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The internet has dramatically altered our lives over the past few decades.Alhough some of these changes have been negative,the overall effect of this technology has bee positive.What are your opinion on this?

The internet has dramatically altered our lives over the past few decades. Alhough some of these changes have been negative, the overall effect of this technology has bee positive. What are your opinion on this? 2Ybj
Advancement on technology has changed people's lifestyle in recent years. With these, also each of necessary aspect of our lives can improve, such as, communication system, education, work and so on. This has also brought many benefits even though its negative aspects cannot be ignored. This essay will discuss both aspects and argue why it is wrong to be negative for the way of people's life. On the one hand, people using the Internet mah have several negative impact on their life. Firstly, there are chances of online games as young children and adults are interested in. For instance, if youngest, especially, children play diverse online games, it causes some drawbacks for them like health, education problems and behavioir. Secondly, people may also be hurted by using the Internet so much causing pyscholoigical and emotional issues. Lastly, people find it difficult to focus on their necessary thing due to the fact that they spend their precious time on the Internet. Unfortunately, this hinders their overall health and lifestyle. On the other hand, there are a few benefits to use the Internet. The foremost one is that people learn anything related to diverse field and spend their time widely. In addition to this, the internet is a source of information for those who are learning foreign languages. For example, students take place in online courses and find lots of books in their specialized subject. In conclusion. in my opinion the positive side far outweigh the negative side of the Internet.
Advancement on technology has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's lifestyle in recent years. With these,
also
each of necessary aspect of our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
, such as, communication system, education, work and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on. This has
also
brought
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
benefits
even though
its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
negative
aspects cannot be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignored
. This essay will discuss both aspects and argue why it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
to be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
negative
for the way of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's life. On the one hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
using the Internet
Possible spelling mistake found.
mah
have several
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
negative
impact on their life.
Firstly
, there are chances of online games as young children and adults
are interested
in.
For instance
, if youngest,
especially
, children play diverse online games, it causes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
drawbacks for them like health, education problems and
Possible spelling mistake found.
behavioir
.
Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
may
also
be
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "hurt", the past tense form of the verb 'hurt'?
hurted
by using the Internet
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
much causing
Possible spelling mistake found.
pyscholoigical
and emotional issues.
Lastly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
find it difficult to focus on their necessary thing due to the fact that they spend their precious time on the Internet. Unfortunately, this hinders their
overall
health and lifestyle.
On the other hand
, there are a few benefits to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the Internet. The foremost one is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
learn anything related to diverse field and spend their time
widely
.
In addition
to this, the internet is a source of information for those who are learning foreign languages.
For example
, students take place in online courses and find lots of books in their specialized subject.
In conclusion
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
in
my opinion the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
side far outweigh the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
negative
side of the Internet.
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IELTS essay The internet has dramatically altered our lives over the past few decades. Alhough some of these changes have been negative, the overall effect of this technology has bee positive. What are your opinion on this?

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
249 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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