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More and more people are moving from rural areas to in cities. What problems can this cause? How the problems can be solved?

More and more people are moving from rural areas to in cities. What problems can this cause? How the problems can be solved? deoX
In recent years, the majority of people who live in the countryside are inclined to leave their birthplace and reside in urban areas. Although living in cities can open new horizons to individuals and provide them with a wide variety of opportunities and options, the problems of this migration cannot be overlooked and have to be addressed precisely in order to be dealt with and consequently eradicated. Generally speaking, people who move from small towns to large cities tend to have low expectations for jobs and do not seek a competitive salary or perks. As a result, they are highly impressionable and can be deceived into meager earnings. When these newcomers dominate the job market and conquer all job vacancies, locals and native inhabitants face a serious decline in job opportunity. Consequently, these youngsters fail to afford their studies and decide to abandon schools to spend less and save for their vague future. Not surprisingly the society will be deprived from well-versed young people and will drown in a bankrupt economy. Moreover, as these immigrants do not enjoy high-paying jobs, they can afford a decent accommodation. So, they will move to deprived areas on the outskirts of cities and create shanty towns that lead to an increase in the number of people who struggle with different social phenomena such as homelessness, poverty, drug abuse, truancy and the like. Needless to say, the disadvantages of migration from rural areas to cities outweigh the advantages. Additionally, once these demerits are addressed properly, one must see to eradicate them. First and foremost, it is the governments’ responsibilities to create a driving force for people of rural areas to encourage them to stay in their hometowns. For example, they can invest in local businesses and make an effort to flourish them into lucrative industries. Decent jobs and satisfying salary can make people of this areas stay and try to make a better living. Also authorities have to provide these areas with equal facilities as in cities such as movie theaters, parks, libraries, to name but a few. By and large moving from small towns to metropolises can cause detrimental problems that cannot be solved but with a lot of effort and asset. Both individuals and politicians must try to reverse this trend and make rural areas enticing enough for young people to stay.
In recent years, the majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in the countryside
are inclined
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
their birthplace and reside in urban
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
. Although living in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
can open new horizons to individuals and provide them with a wide variety of opportunities and options, the problems of this migration cannot
be overlooked
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
be addressed
precisely
in order to
be dealt
with and
consequently
eradicated.

Generally
speaking,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
towns to large
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
tend to have low expectations for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
and do not seek a competitive salary or perks.
As a result
, they are
highly
impressionable and can
be deceived
into meager earnings. When these newcomers dominate the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
market and conquer all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
vacancies, locals and native inhabitants face a serious decline in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
opportunity.
Consequently
, these youngsters fail to afford their studies and decide to abandon schools to spend less and save for their vague future. Not
surprisingly
the society will be
The usual collocation for "deprived" is "of" not "". Did you mean "deprived of"?
deprived from
well-versed young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and will drown in a bankrupt economy.
Moreover
, as these immigrants do not enjoy high-paying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
, they can afford
Uncountable nouns are usually not used with an indefinite article. Use simply "decent accommodation".
a decent accommodation
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, they will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
to deprived
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
on the outskirts of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
and create shanty towns that lead to an increase in the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who struggle with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
social phenomena such as homelessness, poverty, drug abuse, truancy and the like. Needless to say, the disadvantages of migration from rural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
outweigh the advantages.

Additionally
, once these demerits
are addressed
properly
, one
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
to eradicate them.
First
and foremost, it is the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
’ responsibilities to create a driving force for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of rural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
to encourage them to stay in their hometowns.
For example
, they can invest in local businesses and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
an effort to flourish them into lucrative industries. Decent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
and satisfying salary can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of
Did you mean "these"?
this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
stay and try to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
a better living.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Also
authorities
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
provide these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
with equal facilities as in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
such as movie theaters, parks, libraries, to name
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
a few.

By and large moving from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
towns to metropolises can cause detrimental problems that cannot
be solved
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
effort and asset. Both individuals and politicians
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
try to reverse this trend and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
rural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
enticing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
for young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to stay.
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IELTS essay More and more people are moving from rural areas to in cities. What problems can this cause? How the problems can be solved?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
389 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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