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Some people think women should be given equal chances to work in their careers. Others believe that woman role should be limited to taking care of house and children. What would you agree?

Some people think women should be given equal chances to work in their careers. Others believe that woman role should be limited to taking care of house and children. What would you agree? QEL9
Women are not weaker sex! Many argue that women require similar work opportunities as of men while some state that they need to do chores and look after kids. Gender discrimination is been prevailing over period and women’s rights always questioned. The following paragraphs state in favor of females requiring equal chances so that they will excel in their jobs. Firstly, Women by nature has tendency to multi-task and their income can add up to financial growth of the family. Eventually this would increase the life status of the family in their society. In addition, Many women have proved their excellence by marking milestones in number of sectors. For example: Country like India has been governed by lady president, ministers and officials. Though they have been proving their role in career aspects, the ratio of women employed is low when compared to men. Lastly, women are forced to stay at home in order to take care of the family. Because many people would not want the ladies to compete with men. They would want the female to use their education in upbringing the children. Narrow minded people state that women’s job is at kitchen and men is the bread winner of the family. Overall, prejudice on gender is totally against the law of nature. I reckon that equal chances for women in career prospects will improve the family growth and status. On whole, limiting their likeness and interests can have serious impacts on their health and happiness. Both men and women need to take up the responsibility of house and children.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Women
are not
This expression can be considered offensive.
weaker sex
!
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
argue that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
require similar work opportunities as of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
while
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
state that they need to do chores and look after kids. Gender discrimination
is been
prevailing over period and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women’s
rights always questioned. The following paragraphs state in favor of females requiring equal chances
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they will excel in their jobs.

Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Women
by nature has tendency to multi-task and their income can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
add
up to financial growth of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
.
Eventually
this would increase the life status of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
in their society.
In addition
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
have proved their excellence by marking milestones in number of sectors.
For example
: Country like India has
been governed
by lady president, ministers and officials. Though they have been proving their role in career aspects, the ratio of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
employed is low when compared to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
.

Lastly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
are forced
to stay at home in order to take care of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
.
“Because” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Because
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
would not want the ladies to compete with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
. They would want the female to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
their education in upbringing the children.
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
Narrow minded
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
state that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women’s
job is at kitchen and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
is the bread winner of the family.

Overall
, prejudice on gender is
totally
against the law of nature. I reckon that equal chances for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
in career prospects will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
growth and status. On whole, limiting their likeness and interests can have serious impacts on their health and happiness. Both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
need to take up the responsibility of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
and children.
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IELTS essay Some people think women should be given equal chances to work in their careers. Others believe that woman role should be limited to taking care of house and children. What would you agree?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
261 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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