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The influence of human beings on the world's ecosystem is leading to the extinction of species and loss of bio-diversity. What are the primary causes of loss of bio-diversity? What solutions can you suggest? v.1

In modern times, getting a good education has become increasingly important. While it can be argued that all students should study a prescribed syllabus, another opinion is that students should decide which subjects they wish to study at school. In this essay I will examine both sides of this argument and provide my overall opinion. Generally speaking, there are a variety of reasons why people believe that students should choose what they want to study. Perhaps the main reason why people are in favour of this idea is because students will be more interested in the coursework if they have chosen it themselves. If a student is interested in a particular subject, they are more likely to do well in it. Secondly, students who are studying something they do not enjoy may disturb their classmates. Despite these arguments, there is also a case for the idea that students should not be allowed to choose what they want to study. Perhaps the main argument against this idea is that some subjects need to be studied whether or not a student is interested in them. For example, if a person cannot read or do basic mathematics, they will struggle to survive in modern society. Secondly, it would make the organization of lessons very difficult. Schools simply do not have the necessary resources to allow every student to do what they want. My personal view is that students should be allowed some control over their choice of subjects because this would encourage them to be more independent in their studies and they would enjoy their lessons more. However, the more essential subjects should be compulsory.
In modern times, getting a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
education has become
increasingly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
. While it can
be argued
that all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
a prescribed syllabus, another opinion is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
should decide which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
they wish to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
at school. In this essay I will examine both sides of this argument and provide my
overall
opinion.

Generally
speaking, there are a variety of reasons why
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
should choose what they want to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
. Perhaps the main reason why
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are in
Possible spelling mistake. ‘favour’ is British English.
favour
of this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
will be more interested in the coursework if they have chosen it themselves. If a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
is interested
in a particular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
, they are more likely to do well in it.
Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
who are studying something they do not enjoy may disturb their classmates.

Despite these arguments, there is
also
a case for the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
should not be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to choose what they want to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
. Perhaps the main argument against this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
is that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
need to
be studied
Consider shortening this phrase to just “whether”. It is correct though if you mean ‘regardless of whether’.
whether or not
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
is interested
in them.
For example
, if a person cannot read or do basic mathematics, they will struggle to survive in modern society.
Secondly
, it would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the organization of lessons
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
difficult. Schools
simply
do not have the necessary resources to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
to do what they want.

My personal view is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
should be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
control over their choice of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
this would encourage them to be more independent in their
Use a comma before ‘and’ if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
studies and
they would enjoy their lessons more.
However
, the more essential
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
should be compulsory.
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IELTS essay Influence of human beings on the world's ecosystem is leading to the extinction of species and loss of bio-diversity. What are the primary causes of loss of bio-diversity? What solutions can you suggest?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
272 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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