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The growth of shopping these day that lead people to shop most of the time

These days shopping has become a crucial part of peoples' lives, while in the past, it was not quite popular and existed only for certain reasons. However, I believe that when people shop, it provides a positive outcome on one’s mental health as well as the opposing effect on people’s living standards. On one hand, shopping centers are becoming more popular than ever due to the increasing number of daily visitors. In other words, most families spend their leisure time at malls to create joyful moments for themselves and their kids. Researches have found that those who often shop have a lower chance of getting depressed than those who would spend at home day-to-day because it relieves the stress they have. Therefore, regular shopping can improve people’s mental health. On the other hand, people are wasting a massive amount of their budget on unnecessary things as a result of attending shopping malls regularly. For example, the average person who shops day after day has spent an enormous of money on things he or she does not need. This routine is leading people to struggle to save money, which likely will create serious financial difficulties in the nearest future. Furthermore, as shopping becoming a habit, it puts threatening to a person’s financial life. In conclusion, with the increasing number of those who consider shopping a hobby than ever, I think It could provide a positive trend to people who shop quite often as long as they are careful with the money they are spending when they shop.
These days
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
has become a crucial part of peoples'
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
, while in the past, it was not quite popular and existed
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
for certain reasons.
However
, I believe that when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shop
, it provides a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
outcome on one’s mental health
as well
as the opposing effect on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
living standards.

On one hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
centers are becoming more popular than ever due to the increasing number of daily visitors.
In other words
, most families spend their leisure time at malls to create joyful moments for themselves and their kids. Researches have found that those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shop
have a lower chance of getting depressed than those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
would spend at home day-to-day
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it relieves the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
they have.
Therefore
, regular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
mental health.

On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are wasting a massive amount of their budget on unnecessary things
as a result
of attending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
malls
regularly
.
For example
, the average person
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shops
day after day has spent an
The phrase ‘an enormous of’ is not correct. Use a noun, not an adjective, between ‘an’ and ‘of’.
enormous
of money on things he or she does not need. This routine is leading
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to struggle to save money, which likely will create serious financial difficulties in the nearest future.
Furthermore
, as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
becoming a habit, it puts threatening to a person’s financial life.

In conclusion
, with the increasing number of those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
consider
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
a hobby than ever, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
It could provide a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
trend to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shop
quite
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
as long as they are careful with the money they are spending when they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shop
.
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IELTS essay The growth of shopping these day that lead people to shop most of the time

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
256 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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