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The growth of online shopping will one day lead to all shops in towns and cities closing. Do you agree or disagree?

Nowadays there are millions of online shops available on internet and it is growing rapidly. So the local shops are worrying about their businesses whether it will grow to they have to shut their shops. They also feel if online business will grow in this speed then they will face bankruptcy soon. Firstly, the online shops offer different types of discounts to attract the customers. They provide a wide range of all types of products in one website, so people can spend as much time to find what they want. Online sites like Amazon, Flipkart, and all other sites provide attractive promotions. They also introduce Year end sale, Diwali sale and so on to attract peoples. Secondly, peoples are become workaholic and do not have much time to spend on outdoor shopping. People feel more comfortable to buy online because they save much time. People got excellent deals in every product and they also compare the price between various online websites. However the traditional local shops have still opportunity to save their businesses if they also came online and bring their best products as well as maintain their own shops too. People love to buy products if you gave them best. I conclude that if local shops take good steps then they do not have to move their shops. It does not matter whether your shop is in online and offline market. If your planning is full on then you can create a good opportunity for yourself.
Nowadays there are millions of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shops
available on
Use a comma before ‘and’ if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
internet and
it is growing
rapidly
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
the local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shops
are worrying about their businesses whether it will grow to they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
shut their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shops
. They
also
feel if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
business will grow in this speed then they will face bankruptcy
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
.

Firstly
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shops
offer
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
types of discounts to attract the customers. They provide a wide range of all types of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
in one website,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can spend as much time to find what they want.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Online
sites like Amazon, Flipkart, and all other sites provide attractive promotions. They
also
introduce Year
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
sale, Diwali sale and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on to attract peoples.

Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
peoples
are become
workaholic and do not have much time to spend on outdoor shopping.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
feel more comfortable to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they save much time.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
excellent deals in every
Use a comma before ‘and’ if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
product and
they
also
compare the price between various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
websites.

Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
However
the traditional local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shops
have
still
opportunity to save their businesses if they
also
came
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
and bring their best
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
as well
as maintain their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shops
too.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
if you gave them best.

I conclude that if local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shops
take
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
steps then they do not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shops
. It does not matter whether your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shop
is in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
and offline market. If your planning is full on then you can create a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
opportunity for yourself.
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IELTS essay The growth of online shopping will one day lead to all shops in towns and cities closing.

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
247 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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