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The growing number of overweight people is putting a strain on the health care system in an effort to deal with the health issues involved. Some people think that the best to deal with this problem is to introduce more physical education lessons in the school curriculum. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

The soaring trend of the obese people is a crucial concern for the whole health care system and some people who think for solutions like increasing physical-education related subjects in the schools. The whole train of thoughts in this article totally disagrees with the mentioned solution. I believe that this method will rob youngsters of a prosperous prospect and has no effective impact on current society. Juveniles need to learn a wide variety of hands-on skills, at which they can excel in their future life, during their education period. This fact involves having a myriad of school disciplines ranging from mathematics to social sciences in their curriculum, which fills a chief proportion of their available time. Focusing on just one part of vital skills such as athletic subjects will undoubtedly result in a generation addicted to sports and will deprive this generation of planning and developing a glorious life. Although having an active life for adolescents will lead to a physically-active generation, it has no tangible impact on current overweight folks. Thus, I guess that the best initiative for encouraging this part of society to have an energetic life-style instead of a sedentary one is promotion of daily-based work-out benefits, devastating effects of obesity on physical well-being, and the challenges of public health care system pertinent to handling this crisis on the media. Overall, the health care system will not witness a low workload unless whole society, not just part of it, get informed about the burdens they are imposing on health service, and the fact that with respect to the obesity "The prevention beats the treatment".
The soaring trend of the obese
people
is a crucial concern for the whole
health
care system and
some
people
who
think
for solutions like increasing physical-education related subjects in the schools. The whole train of thoughts in this article
totally
disagrees with the mentioned solution. I believe that this method will rob youngsters of a prosperous prospect and has no effective impact on
current
society.

Juveniles need to learn a wide variety of hands-on
skills
, at which they can excel in their future life, during their education period. This fact involves having a myriad of school disciplines ranging from mathematics to social sciences in their curriculum, which fills a chief proportion of their available time. Focusing on
just
one part of vital
skills
such as athletic subjects will
undoubtedly
result in a generation addicted to sports and will deprive this generation of planning and developing a glorious life.

Although having an active life for adolescents will lead to a
physically
-active generation, it has no tangible impact on
current
overweight folks.
Thus
, I guess that the best initiative for encouraging this part of society to have an energetic life-style
instead
of a sedentary one is promotion of daily-based work-out benefits, devastating effects of obesity on physical well-being, and the challenges of public
health
care system pertinent to handling this crisis on the media.

Overall
, the
health
care system will not witness a low workload unless whole society, not
just
part of it,
get
informed about the burdens they are imposing on
health
service, and the fact that with respect to the obesity
"
The prevention beats the treatment
"
.
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IELTS essay The growing number of overweight people is putting a strain on the health care system in an effort to deal with the health issues involved. Some people think that the best to deal with this problem is to introduce more physical education lessons in the school curriculum.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
267 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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