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The growing number of overweight people is putting a stain on the health care system in an effort to deal with the health issues involved. Some people say that the best way to deal with problem is to introduce more physical education lessons in the school scriculum. To what extent do you agree or disagree.

The growing number of overweight people is putting a stain on the health care system in an effort to deal with the health issues involved. Some people say that the best way to deal with problem is to introduce more physical education lessons in the school scriculum. NRPW
Nowadays, the health problems is increasing at an alarming rate because of unhealthy diet and burden on their mind. Some individuals claim that physical education should be provided in schools to tackle this issues. I completely agree with the given statement and this essay discuss the benefits of physical education in human's life. To begin with, there are numerous advantages of physical education. First of all, most of the children follow the number of advertisements related to the food products and they prefer to eat unhealthy goods in their daily life as a consequence they become obese, whereas every schools should teach sports and physical activities which is important for children to keep our body fit and healthy. Moreover, if the schools will teach extracurricular sports activities to children's for molde the intres towardsthe physical exercises and they will become fitter and more active. However, in these days mostly both father and mother are working outside and they come late night at home and also they have not enough time to take care their kids that what they eat or not. So schools is one of the best way to provide knowledge about becoming health conscious to childrens as well as sports lessons in schools help to developing an intrest in exercises. Furthermore, the sports and physical activities in schools should necessary as it helps to reduce the burden of children's mind. Hence, physical education is not only important for physically but also for mentally relaxation. To conclude, this essay discuss the benefits of physical education lessons in the school scriculum. I think schools should aware to childrens about health issues of obesity and parents also.
Nowadays, the health problems is increasing at an alarming rate
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of unhealthy diet and burden on their mind.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
individuals claim that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
should
be provided
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
to tackle this issues. I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
statement and this essay discuss the benefits of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
in human's life.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, there are numerous advantages of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
follow the number of advertisements related to the food
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
products and
they prefer to eat unhealthy
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
in their daily life as a consequence they become obese, whereas every
The noun should be probably in the singular form: "school"?
schools
should teach
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
activities which is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
our body fit and healthy.
Moreover
, if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
will teach extracurricular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
activities to children's for
Possible spelling mistake found.
molde
the
Possible spelling mistake found.
intres
Possible spelling mistake found.
towardsthe
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
exercises and
they will become fitter and more active.

However
, in these days
mostly
both father and mother are working
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
outside and
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
late night at home and
also
they have not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
time to take care their kids that what they eat or not.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
is one of the best way to provide knowledge about becoming health conscious to
Possible spelling mistake found.
childrens
as well
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
lessons in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to developing an
Possible spelling mistake found.
intrest
in exercises.
Furthermore
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
activities in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
should necessary as it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the burden of children's mind.
Hence
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for
physically
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
for mentally relaxation.

To conclude
,
The verb 'discuss' is plural. Did you mean: "this essay discusses"? Did you use a verb instead of a noun?
this essay discuss
the benefits of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
lessons in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
Possible spelling mistake found.
scriculum
. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
should aware to
Possible spelling mistake found.
childrens
about health issues of obesity and parents
also
.
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IELTS essay The growing number of overweight people is putting a stain on the health care system in an effort to deal with the health issues involved. Some people say that the best way to deal with problem is to introduce more physical education lessons in the school scriculum.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
276 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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