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The graphs below show the number of male and female workers in 1975 and 1995 in several employment sectors of the republic of Freedonia. v.1

The graphs below show the number of male and female workers in 1975 and 1995 in several employment sectors of the republic of Freedonia. v. 1
Owing to drastic escalation of population, it is irrefutable that the development of new structures are essential. Some individuals argue that the ancient constructions should be removed by the authorities to accommodate the modern needs. I quite agree with the statement due to the limited spaces available on the planet and unsafe of the antique buildings. Hence, I am going to substantiate my views with relevant examples. First and foremost, to fulfil the requirements of rapid increase of the human being, it is undoubtedly true that the number of land in the country will never be escalated. Consequently, the developing engineering constructions could be able build the integral developments, according to the contemporary architectural methods, which would accomplish the real need of people such as skyscrapers as well as disaster proof durable buildings. Moreover, the old properties have constructed in a large land and mostly with fewer floors. Thus, those will definitely only cater very limited number of people, which lead to large amount of obstacles in managing infrastructure facilities and achieving the requirements of its citizens. In this situation, the government should take proactive steps to identify the old buildings that should be preserved for the future generation as per its archaeological and architectural values and destroy the other ancient structures for better utilizing of existing properties. On the other hand, it has been proved beyond doubt by the construction engineers that the older constructions are out-dated and unsafe. The lifespan of them is expired and people enter into those unsafe buildings or individuals who live close vicinity or the pedestrians are facing abundant of menace with regard to their safety. For an instance, the part of the old Dutch hospital located in a city limit in Sri Lanka gas fell down recently as it is an outdated structure. As a result, more than ten persons killed and several mankind got critical injuries. Hence, those unsafe, ancient constructions should be eradicated from the locations. In conclusion, although some architectures have significant ancient and cultural values, the rest of old constructions as should be demolished to develop modern high-tech structures to accomplish the prevailing life conditions and needs of mankind. Furthermore, due to the lack of lands available on earth as well as safeguard people from severe devastations as per its poor structures, I strongly believe that governments have to knock down the absurd buildings.
Owing to drastic escalation of population, it is irrefutable that the development of new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
structures
are essential.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
individuals argue that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ancient
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
constructions
should
be removed
by the authorities to accommodate the modern needs. I quite
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the statement due to the limited spaces available on the planet and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
unsafe
of the antique
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buildings
.
Hence
, I am going to substantiate my views with relevant examples.

First
and foremost, to fulfil the requirements of rapid increase of the human being, it is
undoubtedly
true that the number of land in the country will never
be escalated
.
Consequently
, the developing engineering
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
constructions
could be
The preposition 'to' is required in front of the verb 'build'.
able build
the integral developments, according to the contemporary architectural methods, which would accomplish the real need of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
such as skyscrapers
as well
as disaster proof durable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buildings
.
Moreover
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
properties have constructed in a large land and
mostly
with fewer floors.
Thus
, those will definitely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
cater
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
limited number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, which lead to large amount of obstacles in managing infrastructure facilities and achieving the requirements of its citizens. In this situation, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should take proactive steps to identify the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buildings
that should
be preserved
for the future generation as per its archaeological and architectural values and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
destroy
the other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ancient
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
structures
for better utilizing of existing properties.

On the other hand
, it has
been proved
beyond doubt by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
construction
engineers that the older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
constructions
are out-dated and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
unsafe
. The lifespan of them
is expired
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
enter into those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
unsafe
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buildings
or individuals who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
close vicinity or the pedestrians are facing abundant of menace with regard to their safety. For an instance, the part of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
Dutch hospital located in a city limit in Sri Lanka gas fell down recently as it is an outdated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
structure
.
As a result
, more than ten persons killed and
Possible agreement error. The noun mankind seems to be uncountable; consider using: "some mankind".
several mankind
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
critical injuries.
Hence
, those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
unsafe
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ancient
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
constructions
should
be eradicated
from the locations.

In conclusion
, although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
architectures have significant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ancient
and cultural values, the rest of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
constructions
as should
be demolished
to develop modern high-tech
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
structures
to accomplish the prevailing life conditions and needs of mankind.
Furthermore
, due to the lack of lands available on earth
as well
as safeguard
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from severe
Possible spelling mistake found.
devastations
as per its poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
structures
, I
strongly
believe that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
knock down the absurd
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buildings
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay The graphs below show the number of male and female workers in 1975 and 1995 in several employment sectors of the republic of Freedonia. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
395 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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