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The graph below shows the global sales of different kinds of digital games from 2000 to 2006. v.1

The graph below shows the global sales of different kinds of digital games from 2000 to 2006. v. 1
The peace and stability between the nations is maintained greatly because of the contribution by multinational sporting activities. This essay agrees with the aforementioned statement strongly. This essay will first, outline that the international games help in bringing patriotic feeling among people, and further, outline that these games help in the advancement of the infrastructure of the nation. It is clear that global sporting event contribute in bringing the name and fame to the country. This is to say that people from different countries and cultural background gather together in order to cheer the players of their country, thus, brings a feeling and an emotion of patriotism among them. To elucidate, a recent study conducted by the international sporting organisation found that international sports have a major contribution in bringing peace and harmony among its citizens. Apart from this, country organising the sports events contributes a major portion of their funds in the overall development of their country. In other words, the nation where the international sports have to take place spend a huge amount of money in the improvement of their infrastructures such as roads, buildings, hospitals, schools and public transports which directly contribute in the growth and stability of the country. To exemplify, a recent study conducted by the Indian Government found that more than 80 percent of the development and stability of a country are because of international sports events. To conclude, I vehemently agree that multinational sports activities contribute to the harmony and stability of a country as it not only develops a feeling of brotherhood among people, but it also helps in the development of the infrastructure of the country.
The peace and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stability
between the nations
is maintained
greatly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the contribution by multinational sporting activities. This essay
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agrees
with the aforementioned statement
strongly
. This essay will
first
, outline that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
games
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
in bringing patriotic feeling among
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, and
further
, outline that these games
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
in the advancement of the infrastructure of the nation.

It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that global sporting
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
event
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
contribute
in bringing the name and fame to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
. This is to say that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
and cultural background gather together in order to cheer the players of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
,
thus
, brings a feeling and an emotion of patriotism among them. To elucidate, a recent study conducted by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
sporting
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisation' is British English.
organisation
found that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
have a major contribution in bringing peace and harmony among its citizens.

Apart from this,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
Possible spelling mistake. 'organising' is British English.
organising
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
contributes
a major portion of their funds in the
overall
development of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
.
In other words
, the nation where the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
take place spend a huge amount of money in the improvement of their infrastructures such as roads, buildings, hospitals, schools and public transports which
directly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
contribute
in the growth and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stability
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
. To exemplify, a recent study conducted by the Indian
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Government
found that more than 80 percent of the development and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stability
of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
.

To conclude
, I
vehemently
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that multinational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
activities
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
contribute
to the harmony and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stability
of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
as it not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
develops a feeling of brotherhood among
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
in the development of the infrastructure of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Learning another language is not only learning different words for the same things, but learning another way to think about things.
Flora Lewis

IELTS essay The graph below shows the global sales of different kinds of digital games from 2000 to 2006. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
275 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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