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The government‘s investment in arts, music and theatre is a waste of money. Governments should invest these funds in public services instead. To what extent do you agree with this statement? Introduction

The government‘s investment in arts, music and theatre is a waste of money. Governments should invest these funds in public services instead. Introduction QXwP
It is often argued that the government should allocate more budget to arts, music and theatre rather than investing in critical services like hospitals, education, and infrastructure. I completely disagree with above statement and discuss my viewpoints in subsequent paragraphs with a relevant epitome. On the one hand, cultural activities such as music, arts and theatre are representing culture and custom of particular country as well as it also helps in nullifying stress level of any individual. Art activities, Music, and theatre are always considered to be soul of any country. All these activities are a source of amusements for people of country consequently adequate amount of budget should be allocated to this industry. On the other hand, development of any state or country always relying on the fund allocated to education, health and infrastructure department. Firstly, it will allow that particular industry to develop rapidly and people of country will be blessed with better highways, educational establishments as well as state-of-the-art health centers. Moreover, such a kind of development will surely justify that money of tax payer is used for his development only. Secondly, parking more fund to various development activities will attract many foreign investments which will definitely improve the employment ratio of any developing country. For example, the Indian government had observed rapid improvement of their foreign direct investment fund immediately after allocation of more fund to various infrastructure projects in budget 2015. To conclude, although government should invest some part of their budget to various developments arts activities, nevertheless, majority of the fund should always be imparted to the development activities which can help to improve life style of their people.
It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
argued that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should allocate more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
budget
to
The verb after "to" should be in the base form: "art".
arts
, music and
Possible spelling mistake. 'theatre' is British English.
theatre
rather
than investing in critical services like hospitals, education, and infrastructure. I completely disagree with above statement and discuss my viewpoints in subsequent paragraphs with a relevant epitome.

On the one hand, cultural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
such as music,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
and
Possible spelling mistake. 'theatre' is British English.
theatre
are representing culture and custom of particular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
as well
as it
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
in nullifying
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
level of any individual.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Art
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
, Music, and
Possible spelling mistake. 'theatre' is British English.
theatre
are always considered to be soul of any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
. All these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
are a source of amusements for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
consequently
adequate amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
budget
should
be allocated
to this industry.

On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
of any state or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
always relying on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fund
allocated to education, health and infrastructure department.
Firstly
, it will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
that particular industry to develop
rapidly
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
will
be blessed
with better highways, educational establishments
as well
as state-of-the-art health centers.
Moreover
, such a kind of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
will
surely
justify that money of tax payer is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
for his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
.
Secondly
, parking more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fund
to various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
will attract
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
foreign investments which will definitely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the employment ratio of any developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
.
For example
, the Indian
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
had observed rapid improvement of their foreign direct investment
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fund
immediately after allocation of more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fund
to various infrastructure projects in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
budget
2015.

To conclude
, although
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should invest
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
part of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
budget
to various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
developments
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
,
nevertheless
,
It seems that an article is missing.
majority of
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fund
should always
be imparted
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
which can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
life style of their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.
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IELTS essay The government‘s investment in arts, music and theatre is a waste of money. Governments should invest these funds in public services instead. Introduction

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
275 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
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  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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