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do you agree or disagree, the government should spend more money on arts than on sports?

, the government should spend more money on arts than on sports? aw6Lm
Recently, the concept of how the government distributes its budget has been brought to public attention. Some people believe that the government should allocate more funds for sports improvement; however, others claim that arts enhancement is more magnificent than sports. From a personal perspective, the government should distribute money for both aspects evenly, given that sports and arts have the same importance for society. While sports are significant for people’s health, arts should be addressed for their contribution to develope civilization. Below I will strive my supporting points in more detail. The first and foremost point, sports have a positive impact on society. Not only because it is essential for people’s personalities, but also, it is vital for their physical fitness. A vivid example that can be given to shed light on what was elaborated above is in the developed countries such as the United States and Canada people accustomed to playing sport consistently which minimize the risk o some disease, such as diabetes and high blood pressure. Couple with better health, confidence is another benefit of the sport. Provided that people keep playing sports, they will always be refreshed and energized; furthermore, it has a significant effect on their personality. Therefore, funding sports is imperative. Next, art is not less important than sports. Arts represent culture; to put in another way, when a society has vast arts that means it has a rich and fantastic culture. Moreover, arts serve as sorts of entertainment, such as movies and concerts, which are very important for people to socialize and communicate. Couple with entertainment, the emotional impact is another reason why arts are integral. Medicine and engineering students say, they study better when they have music play in the playground. A recent survey done by The University of Toronto found that students’ performance in a stander test significantly improved when Mozart was playing during the test, given that music improves general cognition in every field. Consequently, spending more money to support the arts is indispensable. Taking everything into consideration; without a doubt. Sports and arts are fundamental to every society. It suggested that the government compromises to achieve arts/sports funds balance.
Recently, the concept of how the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
distributes its budget has
been brought
to public attention.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should allocate more funds for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
improvement;
however
, others claim that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
enhancement is more magnificent than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
. From a personal perspective, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should distribute money for both aspects
evenly
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
have the same importance for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
. While
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
are significant for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
health,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
should
be addressed
for their contribution to
Possible spelling mistake found.
develope
civilization. Below I will strive my supporting points in more detail.

The
first
and foremost point,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
impact on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
. Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it is essential for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
personalities,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
, it is vital for their physical fitness. A vivid example that can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
to shed light on what
was elaborated
above is in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developed countries
such as the United States and Canada
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
accustomed to playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
consistently
which minimize the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
o
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
disease, such as diabetes and high blood pressure. Couple with better health, confidence is another benefit of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
. Provided that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
, they will always
be refreshed
and energized;
furthermore
, it has a significant effect on their personality.
Therefore
, funding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
is imperative.

Next
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
is not less
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Arts
represent culture; to put in another way, when a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
has vast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
that means it has a rich and fantastic culture.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
serve as sorts of entertainment, such as movies and concerts, which are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to socialize and communicate. Couple with entertainment, the emotional impact is another reason why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
are integral. Medicine and engineering students say, they study better when they have music play in the playground. A recent survey done by The University of Toronto found that students’ performance in a stander
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
test
significantly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
when Mozart was playing during the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
test
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
that music
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improves
general cognition in every field.
Consequently
, spending more money to support the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
is indispensable.

Taking everything into consideration; without a doubt.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Sports
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
are fundamental to every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
. It suggested that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
compromises to achieve arts/sports funds balance.
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IELTS essay , the government should spend more money on arts than on sports?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
359 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
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