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The government should spend money to encourage sports and arts in school children, rather than on professional sports and art performance for the general public. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

The government should spend money to encourage sports and arts in school children, rather than on professional sports and art performance for the general public. lBKK
There is no doubt that sports and arts play a very crucial role in development of a nation. While it is opine that, council authorities should motivate school children to learn sports and art activities, however they should not encourage the professional aspect of these skills. I do not completely agree with either of these perspectives and will support my explanation with relevant examples. On the one hand, students should be encouraged to participate in these skills for their growth and development. This is because, learners should have autonomy to choose, which help them to acknowledge new dimensions of their life. For example, according to a report published by the UK newspaper in 2011, highlighted the neuro- cognitive development of these students who were involved in skills like sports or arts (music, painting, dancing). In contrast, a strict supervision should be done on children so that they do not over indulge and loose concentration from academics. As a result, they would perform mediocrely in both aspects of life.
There is no doubt that sports and arts play a
very
crucial role in development of a nation. While it is
opine
that, council authorities should motivate school children to learn sports and art activities,
however
they should not encourage the professional aspect of these
skills
. I do not completely
agree
with either of these perspectives and will support my explanation with relevant examples.

On the one hand, students should
be encouraged
to participate in these
skills
for their growth and development. This is
because
, learners should have autonomy to choose, which
help
them to acknowledge new dimensions of their life.
For example
, according to a report published by the UK newspaper in 2011, highlighted the
neuro
- cognitive development of these students who
were involved
in
skills
like sports or arts (music, painting, dancing).
In contrast
, a strict supervision should
be done
on children
so
that they do not over indulge and loose concentration from academics.
As a result
, they would perform
mediocrely
in both aspects of life.
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IELTS essay The government should spend money to encourage sports and arts in school children, rather than on professional sports and art performance for the general public.

Essay
  American English
2 paragraphs
168 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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