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The government should sometimes infringe on people’s freedom for the security of society. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

The government should sometimes infringe on people’s freedom for the security of society. with this statement? do9X2
Some people claims that sometimes government should infringe people’s freedom to protect country security. In modern society, most of those situation is strongly related with privacy. It is really easy to find the examples of infringe privacy. Then, do we have to allow government to invade our privacy? Depends on situation, we have to judge allow or now wisely. Why it is necessary to have judgement that government can invade people’s privacy or not? Definitely, there is some situations that government should invade people’s privacy. For example, if someone’s SNS is involved with crime, government should request SNS company or the person directly involved to their privacy SNS’s captured one. Those of invasions are allowed, because it is highly related with people’s safety and other people’s human right. If people just want to hide and never shown there privacy place even if its connected with someone’s safety, that can be make terrible result. However, oppositely, it is also be excluded because too thoughtless invasion of privacy. Thoughtless invasion of privacy can make terrible dictator who controlled the people, make them pliable, remove the power of change in the world. When people in the situation that someone surveillance them whenever him(or she) want, they become pliable, and lethargic. And that make world come to a standstill. Also, the world which ruled by one of intensive dictator can remove the human right. Privacy should protected only except the situations that related with country’s security or someone’s safety. Invasion of privacy should be allowed only those of situations. If government or someone thoughtlessly invade people’s privacy, that can make world pliable and intensive dictator who controlled people whatever he want. Hence, people should have the ability to judge the situation is proper to allow invasion of there privacy or not.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
claims
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should infringe
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
freedom to protect country security. In modern society, most of those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
situation
is
strongly
related with privacy. It is
really
easy to find the examples of infringe privacy. Then, do we
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
invade
our privacy? Depends on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
situation
, we
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
judge
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
wisely
.

Why it is necessary to have judgement that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
invade
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
privacy or not? Definitely, there is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
situations
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
invade
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
privacy.
For example
, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
someone’s
SNS
is involved
with crime,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should request SNS
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
or the person
directly
involved to their privacy SNS’s captured one. Those of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
invasions
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it is
highly
related with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
safety and other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
human right. If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hide
and never shown there privacy place even if its connected with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
someone’s
safety, that can be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
terrible result.

However
,
oppositely
, it is
also
be excluded
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
too thoughtless
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
invasion
of privacy. Thoughtless
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
invasion
of privacy can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
terrible dictator who controlled the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
them pliable, remove the power of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
. When
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
situation
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
someone
surveillance them whenever him(or she) want, they become pliable, and lethargic. And that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
to a standstill.
Also
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
which ruled by one of intensive dictator can remove the human right.

Privacy should
The verb 'should' requires the base form of the verb: "protect"
protected
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
except the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
situations
that related with country’s security or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
someone’s
safety.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Invasion
of privacy should be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
those of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
situations
. If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
someone
thoughtlessly
The pronoun 'someone' is usually used with a third-person or a past tense verb: "invades", "invaded".
invade
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
privacy, that can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
pliable and intensive dictator who controlled
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
whatever he
The pronoun 'he' is usually used with a third-person or a past tense verb: "wants", "wanted".
want
.
Hence
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should have the ability to judge the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
situation
is proper to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
invasion
of there privacy or not.
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IELTS essay The government should sometimes infringe on people’s freedom for the security of society. with this statement?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
297 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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