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The Government should lower the budget on the Arts to allocate more money to Education. Do you agree it?

The Government should lower the budget on the Arts to allocate more money to Education. Do you agree it? k62bK
Often the discussion goes controversial on matter of allocating more money on arts than education of the people in a country. Although both area are essential aspects in the development process of an administration, still investing on education needs an upper hand to decentralize the benefits to majority as compared to arts. So in the following paragraphs below throw light on why I completely agree to stand with education. No doubt at all, heavy budgeting on schooling by the government will reap the result of economic development as well as raising the standard of life among the people in a country. It is irrefutable because the benefits of allocation vest on the majority of the commoners whereas arts are chosen by few interested people and the advantages are shared by few in a country. The development of education really fills the gap of job opportunities, even skilled education makes the economic pillar of the country stronger. For instance, the economic development of Middle East countries are the result of recruiting skilled professionals from the nook and corner of the world. Therefore no rule wouldn't lament over the expenses spent on education. Secondly, the unemployment is the devastating phenomenon that a government push back to underdevelopment due to the inadequate budgeting on education. It is the professionalism and efficiency of the employer really matters to recruit the people to job sector and undeveloped education system increase the insecurity of employment for its beneficiaries. Hiring the educated from the good academic institution by the multinational companies are the real epitome of establishing quality education system in a regime. Therefor to combat unemployment, every penny is to be spend worth fully to enhance qualitative literacy by the government. In conclusion, I would say that due priorities to general education should not be denied. Government should have adequate plan to equilibrate every sector without losing its essence because development includes everything.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Often
the discussion goes controversial on matter of allocating more money on arts than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
. Although both area are essential aspects in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
process of an administration,
still
investing on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
needs an upper hand to decentralize the benefits to majority as compared to arts.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
in the following paragraphs below throw light on why I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
to stand with education.

No doubt at all, heavy budgeting on schooling by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
will reap the result of economic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
as well
as raising the standard of life among the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
. It is irrefutable
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the benefits of allocation vest on the majority of the commoners whereas arts
are chosen
by few interested
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and the advantages
are shared
by few in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
really
The usual prepositions to use after "fills" is 'with' not "the" Did you mean "fills the gap with"?
fills the gap of
job opportunities, even skilled
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
the economic pillar of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
stronger.
For instance
, the economic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
of Middle East
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
are the result of recruiting skilled professionals from the nook and corner of the world.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Therefore
no
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rule
wouldn't lament over the expenses spent on education.

Secondly
, the unemployment is the devastating phenomenon that a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
push back to underdevelopment due to the inadequate budgeting on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
. It is the professionalism and efficiency of the employer
really
matters to recruit the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to job sector and undeveloped
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
system increase the insecurity of employment for its beneficiaries. Hiring the educated from the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
academic institution by the multinational
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
are the real epitome of establishing quality
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
system in a regime. Therefor to combat unemployment, every penny is to be
Consider using a past participle here: "spent".
spend
worth
fully
to enhance qualitative literacy by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
.

In conclusion
, I would say that due priorities to general
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
should not
be denied
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Government
should have adequate plan to equilibrate every sector without losing its essence
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
includes everything.
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IELTS essay The Government should lower the budget on the Arts to allocate more money to Education. Do you agree it?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
317 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
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