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Nowadays, woman as well as men work full time. Thereofre women and men should share household tasks equally. To what extent do you agree

Nowadays, woman as well as men work full time. Thereofre women and men should share household tasks equally. To what extent do you agree 0nRwl
In this contemporary world, gender equality has been considerably evolved over the few decades. Nowadays, both gents as well as ladies are equally considered for all positions in terms of work. In earlier times, this was not common and only women were meant to do the household chores. This essay agrees to the statement that household duties should be shared between both men and women. First of all, if ladies continue doing the works in home like housekeeping, washing etc. alone, their workload after office hours increases which might lead to severe health and mental problems for them. Due to this running up and down between office and home activities, they would not be able to seek medical attention when required. For instance, the rate of women admitting in hospitals due to severe backache or leg pain is rising since medical aid is not attained at the initial stage. There is a high chance that their mental health will be disturbed which might considerably affect the family life. Inability to conceive or fighting between husband and wife are some cases of it. Apart for this, the family bonding could be improved by aiding in washing dishes or clothes or other household works in this short period of time. Both husband and wife will be working hand in hand and as a result their stress from work could be reduced. This is a good way of relaxation as both of them will open their minds and seek each others help. The work could could be finished quickly and they can make use of the available time for some other productive activities. To conclude, it can be said that the society should encourage men and woman to do the household activities together. This is not a boon anymore as before. Moreover, the companies all over the world should encourage their employee into this initiative since it can help them to improve the productivity. It is hoped that the trend continues to improve in the years to come.
In this contemporary world, gender equality has been
considerably
evolved over the few decades. Nowadays, both gents
Probable usage error. Use "and" after 'both'.
as well as
ladies are
equally
considered for all positions in terms of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
. In earlier times, this was not common and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
women
were meant
to do the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
household
chores. This essay
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agrees
to the statement that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
household
duties should
be shared
between both
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
and women.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, if ladies continue doing the works in home like housekeeping, washing etc. alone, their workload after office hours increases which might lead to severe health and mental problems for them. Due to this running up and down between office and home activities, they would not be able to seek medical attention when required.
For instance
, the rate of women admitting in hospitals due to severe backache or leg pain is rising since medical aid is not attained at the initial stage. There is a high chance that their mental health will
be disturbed
which might
considerably
affect the family life. Inability to conceive or fighting between husband and wife are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
cases of it.

Apart for this, the family bonding could be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
by aiding in washing dishes or clothes or other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
household
works in this short period of time. Both husband and wife will be working hand in hand and
as a result
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
could be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
. This is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
way of relaxation as both of them will open their minds and seek each others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
Possible typo: you repeated a word
could could
be finished
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
quickly and
they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of the available time for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
other productive activities.

To conclude
, it can
be said
that the society should encourage
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
and woman to do the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
household
activities together. This is not a boon anymore as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
.
Moreover
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
all over the world should encourage their employee into this initiative since it can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the productivity. It
is hoped
that the trend continues to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
in the years to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
.
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IELTS essay Nowadays, woman as well as men work full time. Thereofre women and men should share household tasks equally. To what extent do you agree

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
335 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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