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The government should control the Internet to reduce cyber-crime and ensure safety of users. give your opinion

The government should control the Internet to reduce cyber-crime and ensure safety of users. give your opinion Rk9dQ
Nowadays, internet is essential thing for everybody because it’s very convenient. On the other hand, there’re many cyber-crimes on the internet so that in my opinion the government should control the Internet to reduce cyber-crime and make sure the safety of users. To begin with, the cyber-crimes create websites which are meant to hack personal information of people so that the crimes can know your number phone, email, address, …. and they will sell these information to telecom operator, companies, …Moreover, some people have trouble with the websites that steal their money. Even many internet users got email from unknown people or organization about the winning money or some presents thus they ask people to give their bank information. To save people from crime, government should ban these bad websites. In addition, internet is very attractive to the youngsters, many teenagers have addicted to some pornographic website and they share their life. The number of adolescents has become the victims of cyber bullying, which resulted in many cases of suicides. For instance, the online game named Blue whale, ask children to do unpleasant tasks lead to suicides among the children. Children is the future of a country so we need to protect them from dangerous things to create a good condition for them to grow up. Government should make some laws to avoid the cyber bullying and help the children get over the internet addiction. In conclusion, in this era of media and technology, cyber-crimes are very develop. Therefore, governments should do something to save people’s lives by controlling the internet.
Nowadays, internet is essential thing for everybody
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it’s
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
convenient.
On the other hand
, there’re
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
Did you mean "cyber-crimes"?
cyber-crimes
on the internet
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that in my opinion the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should control the Internet to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
cyber-crime and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
sure the safety of users.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, the cyber-crimes create websites which
are meant
to hack personal information of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that the crimes can know your number phone, email, address, ….
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
and
they will sell
Did you mean "this information" or "these informations"?
these information
to telecom operator,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
, …
Add a space between sentences
Moreover
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have trouble with the websites that steal their money. Even
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
internet users
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
email from unknown
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
or organization about the winning money or
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
presents
thus
they ask
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to give their bank information. To save
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from crime,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should ban these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
websites.

In addition
, internet is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
attractive to the youngsters,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
have addicted to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
pornographic
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
website and
they share their life. The number of adolescents has become the victims of
This word is normally spelled as one.
cyber bullying
, which resulted in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
cases of suicides.
For instance
, the online game named Blue whale, ask
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to do unpleasant tasks lead to suicides among the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
is the future of a country
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
we need to protect them from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
things to create a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
condition for them to grow up.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Government
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
laws to avoid the
This word is normally spelled as one.
cyber bullying
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
over the internet addiction.

In conclusion
, in this era of media and technology, cyber-crimes are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
develop.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
should do something to save
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
by controlling the internet.
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IELTS essay The government should control the Internet to reduce cyber-crime and ensure safety of users. give your opinion

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
261 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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