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The government should ban smoking in all public places, even though this would restrict some other people's freedoms. Do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer.

The government should ban smoking in all public places, even though this would restrict some other people's freedoms. GOEo
There are different believes that government must prohibit smoking in public area. But some people think it would restrict human’s right of choice. As for me, I think it would be better not to allow people smoke cigarettes in any public area. Firstly, the fume from cigarettes not only influence on smoker’s health but also can be harmful for surroundings. Nowadays, the problem of passive smoking is common cause of many human’s illness. Certain people also might have an allergy to cigarettes, hence, if someone is smoking nearly, it is dangerous for allergic people. Smokers can choose if they are addicted or not, but people with allergic can’t choose if they are ill or not, so smoking in public places is violation of one's freedom. Secondly, not only people are suffering from cigarettes, but also pets can have a lot of health consequences. For example, dog’s belly can’t deal with cigarette butts, therefore they need doctor’s help after eating this type of waste. Moreover, smoking affects on our nature, but probably when people have no opportunity to smoke outside, they will smoke less and even win their addiction. And the last but not the least, smell of cigarettes is pungent and unpleasant one, so person who smells in such way because of anyone smoking nearly won’t be satisfied with this situation and it will be also a restriction of hem or her freedom and personal space. To sum up, it is necessary to ban smoking in the public area because of the harmful consequences. Cigarettes affects on people, pets and even nature, and it’s important to reduce the number of smokers.
There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
Did you mean "beliefs" (noun) instead of believes (verb)?
believes
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
prohibit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
area.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
it would restrict human’s right of choice. As for me, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
it would be better not to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
smoke
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cigarettes
in any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
area.

Firstly
, the fume from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cigarettes
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
influence on smoker’s health
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
can be harmful for surroundings. Nowadays, the problem of passive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
is common cause of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
human’s illness. Certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
also
might have an allergy to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cigarettes
,
hence
, if someone is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
nearly
, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
for allergic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. Smokers can choose if they
are addicted
or not,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with allergic can’t choose if they are ill or not,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
places is violation of one's freedom.

Secondly
, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are suffering from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cigarettes
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
pets can have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
health consequences.
For example
, dog’s belly can’t deal with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cigarette
butts,
therefore
they need doctor’s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
after eating this type of waste.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
affects on our nature,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
probably
when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have no opportunity to smoke outside, they will smoke less and even win their addiction.

And the last
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not the least, smell of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cigarettes
is pungent and unpleasant one,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
person who smells in such way
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of anyone
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
nearly
won’t
be satisfied
with this situation and it will be
also
a restriction of hem or her freedom and personal space.

To sum up, it is necessary to ban
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
area
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the harmful consequences.
Possible agreement error. You should probably use: "cigarette affects".
Cigarettes affects
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, pets and even nature, and it’s
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the number of smokers.

IELTS essay The government should ban smoking in all public places, even though this would restrict some other people's freedoms.

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
271 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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