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The government investments in Arts,music and theatre is a waste of money other says it is not wastage of money.To what extent do you agree or disagree?

The government investments in Arts, music and theatre is a waste of money other says it is not wastage of money. aVmXm
It is true that, these days the lawmakers should spend the money in the entertainment sources like arts, music and theatre also it is a waste of money. Other think that it is not wastage of money. I largely agree with said notion due to entertainment sources and the many development in future for adult. To commence with, there are some reasons behind the statement why government invest for the entertainment? To explain it, the lawmaker are do not spending money in this sources because they think that money spent on the education health and so on. Moreover, government could provide money for the poor people. Thus, the higher authorities spent money on the right way then the countries are also strong. On the flip side, the entertainment sources are important for the adults and seniors. To explicate it, higher authorities are more invest money for this sources because they are backbone of the entertainment industry. For example, the survey was conducted UK Government (United Kingdom) found that around 75% of young people are getting knowledge with the help of entertainment sources. Hence, children must spend time on the sources. Furthermore, there are numerous benefits for youngster which are development for more industry. To exemplify, the main reason that children get more knowledge because they can learn many skills then the people are not increase the level of knowledge, but also the innovation of new diseases. For instance, the headline of "The Moscow times" revealed that 85% of money spent on the arts, music and theatre by government. As a result, human are also creative person in this days. To conclude, although government more invest for entertainment sources yet which are plethora of benefits for the youngster related improve skills.
It is true that, these days the lawmakers should spend the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
in the entertainment
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sources
like arts, music and
Possible spelling mistake. 'theatre' is British English.
theatre
also
it is a waste of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
. Other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that it is not wastage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
. I
largely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with said notion due to entertainment
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sources
and the
Possible agreement error. The noun development seems to be countable; consider using: "many developments".
many development
in future for adult.

To commence with, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
reasons behind the statement why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
invest for the entertainment? To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
it, the lawmaker are
Consider using a past participle here: "done".
do
not
After the auxiliary verb 'do', use the base form of a verb. Did you mean "spend"?
spending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
in
Did you mean "these"?
this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sources
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
spent on the education health and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
could provide
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
for the poor
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.
Thus
, the higher authorities spent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on the right way then the countries are
also
strong.

On the flip side, the entertainment
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sources
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for the adults and seniors. To explicate it, higher authorities are more invest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
for
Did you mean "these"?
this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sources
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are backbone of the entertainment industry.
For example
, the survey
was conducted
UK
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Government
(United Kingdom) found that around 75% of young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are getting knowledge with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of entertainment
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sources
.
Hence
, children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
spend time on the sources.

Furthermore
, there are numerous benefits for youngster which are development for more industry. To exemplify, the main reason that children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
more knowledge
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they can learn
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
then the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are not increase the level of knowledge,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
the innovation of new diseases.
For instance
, the headline of
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
The Moscow times
Use a smart closing quote here: "”".
"
revealed that 85% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
spent on the arts, music and
Possible spelling mistake. 'theatre' is British English.
theatre
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
.
As a result
, human are
also
creative person in
It seems that a possessive apostrophe is missing.
this days
.

To conclude
, although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
more invest for entertainment
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sources
yet
which are plethora of benefits for the youngster related
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.
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IELTS essay The government investments in Arts, music and theatre is a waste of money other says it is not wastage of money.

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
290 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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