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The gap between the rich and the poor is widening very fast. What are the causes and effects of this widening gap? You may give solutions based on your knowledge and experience.

The gap between the rich and the poor is widening very fast. What are the causes and effects of this widening gap? You may give solutions based on your knowledge and experience. ljX19
In modern society, the economy industry is growing rapidly and many things are changed in the world. Some of the jobs are obsolete nowadays. Therefore, people who lost their jobs going to be poor. Moreover, this phenomenon leads to the gap between the rich and the poor widely. In this essay, I will give examples of this phenomenon and some solutions. Without a doubt, the automation system rapidly increased compared to a few decades ago. Thus, some jobs do not need anymore in some field. For example, many buildings need 24hours security guards. But, nowadays, the automatic system can check all of the CCTV in the buildings and if there are some strange movement find out from the system, the system will call the police right away. Likewise, some other jobs are obsolete. Hence, people who lost their job going to be poor and they cannot find a new job, because their field already fulled by the automation system. In contrast, the other jobs such as a manager who controls the automation system, their payment will be increased. So this will bring the problem of the economic gap between rich and poor people more and more. In my opinion, the government should allocate some budget for people who lost their job because of the automation systems. In addition, they also should introduce legislation for people who need new education to follow the new world. On condition that people who are poor and do not have a job are educated and get some subsidy from the government, they can get a job. So the problems of people's economic gap are getting better than before. In conclusion, there is no doubt that the widening of people's economic gap is the biggest problems in modern society. Because automation system brought some problems in the job industry. In my opinion, the government should help people to prevent the problems.
In modern society, the economy industry is growing
rapidly
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
things are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
in the world.
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
Some of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
are obsolete nowadays.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
lost their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
going to be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
.
Moreover
, this phenomenon leads to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gap
between the rich and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
widely
. In this essay, I will give examples of this phenomenon and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
solutions.

Without a doubt, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
automation
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
system
rapidly
increased compared to a few decades ago.
Thus
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
do not need anymore in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
field.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
buildings need 24hours security guards.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, nowadays, the automatic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
system
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
check
Consider using "all the".
all of the
CCTV in the buildings and if there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
strange movement find out from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
system
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
system
will call the police right away.
Likewise
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
are obsolete.
Hence
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
lost their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
going to be
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
poor and
they cannot find a new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
their field already fulled by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
automation
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
system
.
In contrast
, the other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
such as a manager
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
controls the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
automation
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
system
, their payment will
be increased
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
this will bring the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
of the economic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gap
between rich and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
more and more.

In my opinion, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should allocate
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
budget for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
lost their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
automation
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
systems
.
In addition
, they
also
should introduce legislation for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
need new education to follow the new world. On condition that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
and do not have a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
are educated
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
subsidy from the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
, they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's economic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gap
are getting better than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
.

In conclusion
, there is no doubt that the widening of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's economic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gap
is the biggest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
in modern society.
“Because” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
automation
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
system
brought
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
industry. In my opinion, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
.

IELTS essay The gap between the rich and the poor is widening very fast. What are the causes and effects of this widening gap? You may give solutions based on your knowledge and experience.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
315 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
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