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Mobile phones and the internet are useful for older people. What are the ways they can use it? How they can be encouraged?

Mobile phones and the internet are useful for older people. What are the ways they can use it? How they can be encouraged? LrLER
Mobile phones and the internet are very useful for old people. However, this section of population The world becomes a smaller place due to technological advancement. Especially mobile phones are now an integral part of everyone’s life. Although having access to smartphones, senior citizens are reluctant to use it at full efficiency, hence their use is limited to voice calling only. In spite, this generation can be encouraged to use phone, internet and technology for their betterment. Starting from killing the time to net banking, mobile and internet is bliss for senior citizens. Social media platforms like Instagram, Facebook and Twitter can help them to spend their lonely time with informative content and social connect as well. If they are living alone, they can be connected to their dear ones through video calling and experienced to be together. Various application is exclusively meant for senior citizens having a religious narrative, prayers that can be listened every day to calm down themselves. In addition, online shopping and banking can minimize the physical effort required by doorstep delivery and no hassle of travelling. However, the older generation is afraid of using an internet smartphone because they always question the privacy and security of such technologies. Though, they can be motivated to use it by generating awareness, teaching and providing handholding support. For example, we gifted a smartphone to my grandfather on his ‘diamond jubilee’ birthday but he was affirmative to not to use the phone as it was complex for him to use. But once I and my younger brother had shown him each and every function of the phone and use of the internet, he found it easy and now using it at the same pace we are using. In nutshell, if one can teach and motivate the senior citizen on the usefulness of mobile and internet, this generation can do wonders in using this technology for their individual benefits.
Mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
and the internet are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
useful for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.
However
, this section of population The world becomes a smaller place due to technological advancement.
Especially
mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
an integral part of everyone’s life. Although having access to smartphones,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
senior
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
citizens
are reluctant to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
it at full efficiency,
hence
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
is limited
to voice calling
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
. In spite, this generation can
be encouraged
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
, internet and technology for their betterment.

Starting from killing the time to net banking, mobile and internet is bliss for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
senior
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
citizens
. Social media platforms like Instagram, Facebook and Twitter can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to spend their lonely time with informative content and social connect
as well
. If they are living alone, they can
be connected
to their dear ones through video calling and experienced to be together. Various application is exclusively meant for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
senior
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
citizens
having a religious narrative, prayers that can
be listened
every day to calm down themselves.
In addition
, online shopping and banking can minimize the physical effort required by doorstep delivery and no hassle of travelling.

However
, the older generation is afraid of using an internet smartphone
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they always question the privacy and security of such technologies. Though, they can
be motivated
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
it by generating awareness, teaching and providing
Possible spelling mistake found.
handholding
support.
For example
, we gifted a smartphone to my grandfather on his ‘diamond jubilee’ birthday
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
he was affirmative
One 'to' seems to be obsolete.
to not to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
as it was complex for him to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
once I and my younger brother had shown him each and every function of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of the internet, he found it easy and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
using it at the same pace we are using.

In nutshell, if one can teach and motivate the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
senior
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
citizen
on the usefulness of mobile and internet, this generation can do wonders in using this technology for their individual benefits.
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IELTS essay Mobile phones and the internet are useful for older people. What are the ways they can use it? How they can be encouraged?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
319 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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