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The Football World Cup is taking place in Brazil now(not really). Write an essay to discuss the benefits and drawbacks of football.

The Football World Cup is taking place in Brazil now(not really). Write an essay to discuss the benefits and drawbacks of football. mbbGn
The Football World Cup in Brazil is on the horizon and people are now acknowledging football more than ever. Football is undeniably beneficial but it also has several drawbacks to take into account, which will be discussed further in the following passages. On the one hand, football has a myriad of advantages to one’s health and teamwork skills. Firstly, it improves our well-being by strengthening muscles, stretching them in order to avoid paralysis or cramps, or just to achieve a nice build. Additionally, it helps burn excess calories, which consequently, would prevent one from obesity or heart-related risks. Not only does it ameliorate one’s accuracy and proficiency in taking immediate actions, it also reduces fatigue and lethargy. Secondly, football promotes teamwork skills such as how to cooperate with other players, critical and strategical thinking, …Especially, leaders acquire coordinating skills, which will also foster their decision-making skills. On the contrary, football poses numerous possible threats to players. One of the most common consequences of attending football matches is injuries. They vary from small scratches to broken legs, sprained ankles or more severely, immobility or even death. One commonly neglected, albeit a detrimental problem, is skin cancer as football players tend to play their games outdoor under scorching sunrays. For instance, a Vietnamese football player suffered from a leg injury, causing him to refrain from football for 10 months in the hospital. This had great impacts on not only his health, but also his career and reputation. Furthermore, these players are prone to aggressiveness and competitiveness, which would be a causative factor in arguments and violence. In conclusion, notwithstanding irrefutable benefits in health and practical skills, football also puts one’s life at risk due to its paradoxical downsides of health and mentality. The World Cup in Brazil in particular, and football in general will undoubtedly remain indispensable and significant in the foreseeable future.
The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Football
World Cup in Brazil is on the horizon and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
acknowledging
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
football
more than ever.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Football
is
undeniably
beneficial
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it
also
has several drawbacks to take into account, which will
be discussed
further
in the following passages.

On the one hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
football
has a myriad of advantages to one’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
and teamwork
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
.
Firstly
, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improves
our well-being by strengthening muscles, stretching them in order to avoid paralysis or cramps, or
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
to achieve a nice build.
Additionally
, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
burn excess calories, which
consequently
, would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
one from obesity or heart-related
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risks
. Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
does it ameliorate one’s accuracy and proficiency in taking immediate actions, it
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduces
fatigue and lethargy.
Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
football
promotes teamwork
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
such as how to cooperate with other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
players
, critical and strategical thinking, …
Add a space between sentences
Especially
, leaders acquire coordinating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
, which will
also
foster their decision-making
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.

On the contrary
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
football
poses numerous possible threats to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
players
. One of the most common consequences of attending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
football
matches is injuries. They vary from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
scratches to broken legs, sprained ankles or more
severely
, immobility or even death. One
commonly
neglected, albeit a detrimental problem, is skin cancer as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
football
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
players
tend to play their games outdoor under scorching
Possible spelling mistake found.
sunrays
.
For instance
, a Vietnamese
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
football
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
player
suffered from a leg injury, causing him to refrain from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
football
for 10 months in the hospital. This had great impacts on not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
his career and reputation.
Furthermore
, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
players
are prone to aggressiveness and competitiveness, which would be a causative factor in arguments and violence.

In conclusion
, notwithstanding irrefutable benefits in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
and practical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
football
also
puts one’s life at
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
due to its paradoxical downsides of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
and mentality. The World Cup in Brazil
in particular
, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
football
in general
will
undoubtedly
remain indispensable and significant in the foreseeable future.
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IELTS essay The Football World Cup is taking place in Brazil now(not really). Write an essay to discuss the benefits and drawbacks of football.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
311 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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