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The following appeared in an article written by Dr Karp an anthropologist

The following appeared in an article written by Dr Karp an anthropologist 15mlM
The argument proposes a conclusion by the observation of Dr. Field, which says that children in Tertia were reared by an entire village rather by their biological parents. But, children talk more about their parents than others adults in the village. However, according to the author, he disagrees saying that the approach is invalid and his approach would be better to understand child-rearing tradition and others cultures. First, the conclusion of the anthropologist is not completely accurate because a study of this type cannot be concluded only by observation. It is necessary to live among this village to have better conclusions. An anthropologist, to have better arguments, need to study for months, or sometimes even years to have a valid conclusion about a civilization. For example, an psychologist must study months and see weekly a patient to have an accurate conclusion about him. According to the author, the interview-centered method that his team of graduate students is using in Tertia a much more accurate conclusion. Which can be immediately invalided, because, as it is explained before, a conclusion about some culture is much more profound and difficult to understand. It is essential to study months and live among the culture to truly understand how they live and what are their costumes, traditions and beliefs. Children could be reared by the village’s civilization, because children had some activities to do outdoor. However this observation do not conclude that inside their houses, parents talk, educate their children. For instance, in Middle Age, low-income families had to put their children to work in order to help their family to survive. And this was not a excuse for them to forget about their parents and only talk about adults that they see in the streets or spend more time. Therefore, a better study living among the Turtia population could weaken both arguments, from Dr. Karp and Dr. Field. The best way to study and really understand culture, behavior, and beliefs is living or spending much more time with people from this particular place.
The argument proposes a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
conclusion
by the observation of Dr. Field, which says that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in
Possible spelling mistake found.
Tertia
were reared
by an entire
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
village
rather
by their biological
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
talk more about their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
than others adults in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
village
.
However
, according to the author, he disagrees saying that the approach is invalid and his approach would be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
understand
child-rearing tradition
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
and others
cultures.

First
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
conclusion
of the anthropologist is not completely accurate
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
of this type cannot
be concluded
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
by observation. It is necessary to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
among this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
village
to have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
conclusions
. An anthropologist, to have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
arguments, need to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
for months, or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
even years to have a valid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
conclusion
about a civilization.

For example
,
Use "a" instead of 'an' if the following word doesn't start with a vowel sound, e.g. 'a sentence', 'a university'
an
psychologist
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
months and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
weekly a patient to have an accurate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
conclusion
about him.

According to the author, the interview-centered method that his team of graduate students is using in
Possible spelling mistake found.
Tertia
a much more accurate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
conclusion
. Which can be immediately invalided,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
, as it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explained
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
conclusion
about
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
culture is much more profound and difficult to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
understand
. It is essential to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
months and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
among the culture to
truly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
understand
how they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
and what are their costumes, traditions and beliefs.

Children could
be reared
by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
village’s
civilization,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
had
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
activities to do outdoor.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
However
this observation do not conclude that inside their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
houses
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
talk, educate their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
For instance
, in Middle Age, low-income families had to put their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to work in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
their family to survive. And this was not
Use "an" instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
a
excuse for them to forget about their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
talk about adults that they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
in the streets or spend more time.

Therefore
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
living among the
Possible spelling mistake found.
Turtia
population could weaken both arguments, from Dr.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Karp
and Dr. Field. The best way to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
and
really
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
understand
culture, behavior, and beliefs is living or spending much more time with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
from this particular place.
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IELTS essay The following appeared in an article written by Dr Karp an anthropologist

Essay
  American English
6 paragraphs
339 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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