Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

The following appeared in a memo from the marketing director of Top Dog Pet stores. “Five years ago Fish Emporium started advertising in the magazine Exotic Pets Monthly. Their stores saw sales increased by 15 percent after their ads began appearing in

The following appeared in a memo from the marketing director of Top Dog Pet stores. “Five years ago Fish Emporium started advertising in the magazine Exotic Pets Monthly. Their stores saw sales increased by 15 percent after their ads began appearing in g580a
In the given memo the marketing director of Top Dog Pet store, suggests declining sales and start marketing, by giving ads in the Exotics magazine of gulf city. This argument is unconvincing because it is rife with assumptions about the increase in a sale by a magazine ad. To begin with, the argument relies on the assumption that, the author is talking about five years ago Fish Emporium started advertising in the magazine Exotic Monthly. Their store saw sales increased by 15 percent after their ads appearing in the magazine. Here, maybe the service of the Fish store is good, or maybe they provide extra services regarding pet’s health like; Free clinical check-up. Also, they are providing some offers, for example, One month Fish food is free. Moreover, the author is talking about; The Fish Emporium stores in gulf city saw an even greater increase. There is a possibility the local people who live in gulf city most of them like a fish as a pet that dog. There is no particular information is given by the author about hoe the Exotics magazine can help Fish emporium to increase in their profit. Additionally, the author is talking about the Top Dog Pet stores are based in gulf city, and the author is a suggestion about to start posting ads in Exotic Pets monthly. But, the author is not provided specific evidence that convinces the increase in profit. Also maybe there are possibilities that Exotic Magazine is having high rates that are not possible to afford Top Dog Pet store. And the count of people who like dogs is maybe less than the count of people who like Fish. So, the only ads do not help to increase in a sale. Moreover, the author suggests that, if we post the ad we will sure to reserve the recent trend of declining sales and start making a profit again. Here, the author is concluded and gives direct relation between posting ads and increasing a sale, but there are possibilities the service of Top Dog Pet Stores is not sustaining the customer demand. And also there is only a limited breed of dogs which not liked by people. Also possible that the fish need less place than a dog and because of that local people think that fish is more convenient than a dog, because of the space issue. Hence, the assumptions like posting an ad in an Exotic Magazine will help to increase in a profit, without any specific evidence that makes the argument defective and vague.
In the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
memo the marketing director of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Top
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Dog
Pet
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
store
, suggests declining
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
marketing, by giving ads in the
Apostrophe might be missing. Did you mean "Exotics'" or "exotic's"?
Exotics
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
magazine
of gulf city. This argument is unconvincing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it is rife with assumptions about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increase
in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sale
by a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
magazine
ad.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, the argument relies on the assumption that, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
author
is talking about five years ago Fish Emporium
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
advertising in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
magazine
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Exotic
Monthly. Their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
store
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
saw
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
increased by 15 percent after their ads appearing in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
magazine
. Here, maybe the service of the Fish
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
store
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
, or maybe they provide extra services regarding pet’s health like; Free clinical
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
check
-up.
Also
, they are providing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
offers,
for example
, One month Fish food is free.
Moreover
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
author
is talking about; The Fish Emporium
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stores
in gulf city
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
saw
an even greater
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increase
. There is a possibility the local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in gulf city most of them like a fish as a pet that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dog
. There is no particular information is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
author
about hoe the
Apostrophe might be missing. Did you mean "Exotics'" or "exotic's"?
Exotics
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
magazine
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
Fish emporium to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increase
in their profit.

Additionally
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
author
is talking about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Top
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Dog
Pet
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stores
are based
in gulf city, and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
author
is a suggestion about to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
posting ads in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Exotic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Pets
monthly.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
author
is not provided specific evidence that convinces the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increase
in profit.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Also
maybe there are
Bad style. Before 'possible', use a word such as "chances" or "opportunities". Alternatively, keep 'possibilities' and remove 'possible'.
possibilities
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Exotic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Magazine
is having high rates that are not possible to afford
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Top
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Dog
Pet
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
store
. And the count of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who like
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dogs
is maybe less than the count of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who like Fish.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
ads do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increase
in a sale.

Moreover
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
author
suggests that, if we post the ad we will sure to reserve the recent trend of declining
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
making a profit again. Here, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
author
is concluded
and gives direct relation between posting ads and increasing a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sale
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
there are possibilities the service of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Top
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Dog
Pet
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Stores
is not sustaining the customer demand. And
also
there is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
a limited breed of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dogs
which not liked by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Also
possible that the fish need less place than a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dog
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of that local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that fish is more convenient than a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dog
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the space issue.

Hence
, the assumptions like posting an ad in an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Exotic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Magazine
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increase
in a profit, without any specific evidence that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
the argument defective and vague.
What do you think?
  • This is funny writingFunny
  • I love this writingLove
  • This writing has blown my mindWow
  • It made me angryAngry
  • It made me sadSad

IELTS essay The following appeared in a memo from the marketing director of Top Dog Pet stores. “Five years ago Fish Emporium started advertising in the magazine Exotic Pets Monthly. Their stores saw sales increased by 15 percent after their ads began appearing in

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
425 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Recent posts





Get more results for topic:
  • The following appeared in a memo from the marketing director of Top Dog Pet stores. “Five years ago Fish Emporium started advertising in the magazine Exotic Pets Monthly. Their stores saw sales increased by 15 percent after their ads began appearing in