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In some countries, teenagers have jobs while they are still student. Do you think this is a good idea?

In some countries, teenagers have jobs while they are still student. Do you think this is a good idea? pRbp2
With the begging” experience is mother of knowledge” in my country Afghanistan people always have a statement that says try to working and studying together. it is the most famous speech between public. So, I love this statement that students or young generations working and studying together. However, it is nice idea and I have some reasons. Like, youth can increase their knowledge and also they can increase experience, they can make some money for faculty expenditures and they can understand the theories because they practically do that in fields. First, youths or teenagers can increase their knowledge if they working with that. So, it is grate idea if they can continue both of them together. For instance, when I was student in faculty or when I was sophomore, I started my job as admin Assistant and after few months they paid me near 100$ per month it was good money for a young that is student at university or school. At least, teenagers can support their life. So, I love this statement that says teenagers have jobs while they are still students. Second, another important issue is experience during studying in school or faculty. So, it is very good idea that teenagers or youths studying and working. For instance, they can increase their experience for example, when teenagers or youths are studying about theories it is vague for them. However, when they studying and working together they can understand better. For instance, I was student in faculty of agriculture professor explained something about the greenhouse it was complex for me. But, after I started my job as livelihood officer and distribute few greenhouse frames for farmers. So, I understand better about theories. I like this that working and studying it is really helpful for understand different subjects. Conclusion, as I mentioned working and studying have some advantages like, teenagers or youths they can increase their knowledge, they can understand the vague theories. Indeed, working and studying are helpful they can analyze the situations in future and when they are working and studying they can support ourselves or they can pay their expenditures in university or school. I love statement that says teenagers have jobs while they are still student. It brilliant t idea.
With the begging”
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
is mother of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge”
in my country Afghanistan
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
always have a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
statement
that says try to
Did you mean "work"?
working
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studying
together.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
it
is the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
speech between public.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
statement
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
or young generations
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studying
together.
However
, it is nice
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
idea
and I have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
reasons. Like,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
youth
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increase
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
and
also
they can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increase
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
, they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
money for faculty
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
expenditures and
they can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
understand
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
theories
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
practically
do that in fields.

First
, youths or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increase
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
if they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
with that.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, it is grate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
idea
if they can continue both of them together.
For instance
, when I was
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
in faculty or when I was sophomore, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
as admin Assistant and after few months they paid me near
The currency mark is usually put at the beginning of the number: "$100".
100$
per month it was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
money for a young
that is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
at university or school. At least,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
can support their life.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
statement
that says
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
while they are
still
students.

Second, another
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
issue is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
during
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studying
in school or faculty.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
idea
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
or youths
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studying
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
.
For instance
, they can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increase
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
for example
, when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
or youths are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studying
about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
theories
it is vague for them.
However
, when they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studying
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
together they can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
understand
better.
For instance
, I was
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
in faculty of agriculture professor
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explained
something about the greenhouse it was complex for me.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, after I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
as livelihood officer and distribute few greenhouse frames for farmers.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
understand
better about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
theories
. I like this that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studying
it is
really
helpful for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
understand
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
subjects.

Conclusion, as I mentioned
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studying
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
advantages like,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
or youths they can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increase
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
, they can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
understand
the vague
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
theories
.
Indeed
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studying
are helpful they can analyze the situations in future and when they are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studying
they can support
Use a comma before 'or' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
ourselves or
they can pay their expenditures in university or school. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
statement
that says
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
while they are
still
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
.
It seems that a verb is missing after "It". Please verify.
It
brilliant t
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
idea
.
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IELTS essay In some countries, teenagers have jobs while they are still student. Do you think this is a good idea?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
374 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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