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The following appeared in a health magazine published in Corpora."Medical experts say that only one-quarter of Corpora's citizens meet the current standards for adequate physical fitness, even though twenty years ago, one-half of all of Corpora's citizens

The following appeared in a health magazine published in Corpora. " Medical experts say that only one-quarter of Corpora's citizens meet the current standards for adequate physical fitness, even though twenty years ago, one-half of all of Corpora's citizens RNWpV
The argument, fitness will increase when economy improves, rely on vague and unwarranted assumption therefore, fitness will not increase when economy improves. First, to pinpoint the cause of reduced fitness, author blames economy in worse shape, as a result people are not spending money on fitness-related product and services. However, it could be possible that people are working out at home and preparing a nutraceutical supplement at home by buying raw material. Also, the author states that the amount of money spent on the fitness-related product has reduced but doesn't provide any concrete number. The reduction of expenditure on fitness-related product and services could have been low in which case the argument is weakened. Next, the author refutes the reasoning of health magazine and points out that computer ownership can't be the cause of reduction of fitness and cites the example of Corpora where a large number of people are fit and a large number of people own a computer. However, how this conclusion about computer ownership and fitness level was reached is unclear. Was there a survey they performed? If yes, then what was the sample size? Were the people in the sample were representative of the population or not? It is equally probable that even though a large number of people in Corpora owned a computer, they did not spend much time on it and are therefore fit, proving the prediction of medical experts right. This, in turn, undermines the author's argument that fitness will increase when the economy will flourish. Third, the author already assumes that there are less number of people who are fit and has made this conjecture from the article in a health magazine. It is unclear what method was used by medical experts to reach the conclusion that only a quarter of the Corpora population meets current fitness standard in contrast on half of the population a decade ago. The fitness standard may have changed over the time and now must have become stringent thus, deeming a large number of people to be unfit. Moreover, it is obscure what methods were used by the medical experts to assess the fitness of Corpora population. It is likely that writer of health magazine ulterior motives to write such a number. Maybe he was bribed by the fitness industry to write such things and thus diverting people toward adopting a new lifestyle where fitness is of paramount importance. Since the number of people that are unfit is unclear in the first place, the argument that fitness will increase when the economy improves is unwarranted.
The
argument
,
fitness
will
increase
when
economy
improves
,
rely
on vague and unwarranted assumption
therefore
,
fitness
will not
increase
when
economy
improves
.

First
, to pinpoint the cause of
reduced
fitness
,
author
blames
economy
in worse shape,
as a result
people
are not spending money on fitness-related product and services.
However
, it could be possible that
people
are working out at home and preparing a nutraceutical supplement at home by buying raw material.
Also
, the
author
states that the amount of money spent on the fitness-related product has
reduced
but
doesn't provide any concrete
number
. The reduction of expenditure on fitness-related product and services could have been low in which case the
argument
is weakened
.

Next
, the
author
refutes the reasoning of health magazine and points out that computer ownership can't be the cause of reduction of
fitness
and cites the example of Corpora where a
large
number
of
people
are fit
and a
large
number
of
people
own
a computer.
However
, how this conclusion about computer ownership and
fitness
level
was reached
is unclear. Was there a survey they performed? If yes, then what was the sample size? Were the
people
in the sample were representative of the
population
or not? It is
equally
probable that
even though
a
large
number
of
people
in Corpora
owned
a computer, they did not spend much time on it and are
therefore
fit, proving the prediction of medical experts right. This, in turn, undermines the author's
argument
that
fitness
will
increase
when the
economy
will flourish.

Third, the
author
already assumes that there are less
number
of
people
who
are fit
and has made this conjecture from the article in a health magazine. It is unclear what method was
used
by medical experts to reach the conclusion that
only
a quarter of the Corpora
population
meets
current
fitness
standard
in contrast
on half of the
population
a decade ago. The
fitness
standard may have
changed
over the time and
now
must
have become stringent
thus
, deeming a
large
number
of
people
to be unfit.
Moreover
, it is obscure what methods were
used
by the medical experts to assess the
fitness
of Corpora
population
. It is likely that writer of health magazine ulterior motives to write such a
number
. Maybe he
was bribed
by the
fitness
industry to write such things and
thus
diverting
people
toward adopting a new lifestyle where
fitness
is of paramount importance. Since the
number
of
people
that are unfit is unclear in the
first
place, the
argument
that
fitness
will
increase
when the
economy
improves
is unwarranted
.
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IELTS essay The following appeared in a health magazine published in Corpora. " Medical experts say that only one-quarter of Corpora's citizens meet the current standards for adequate physical fitness, even though twenty years ago, one-half of all of Corpora's citizens

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
428 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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