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HIV infections have reached epidemic proportions in many developing nations around the world. While access to cheap, effective drug treatments has made it possible to live a longer, more active life with the HIV virus, the key to controlling the epidemic

HIV infections have reached epidemic proportions in many developing nations around the world. While access to cheap, effective drug treatments has made it possible to live a longer, more active life with the HIV virus, the key to controlling the epidemic n6eKe
The reading and lecture materials are concerned with the characteristics of a successful HIV prevention program. The professor discusses Thailand's HIV prevention program to illustrates the claim made in the reading passage. First of all, the professor discusses investing more money and having stable funding contribute to the success of Thailand's HIV prevention program. In fact, he says that Thailand's HIV prevention program used to be poorly funded and not high priority by the government. However, Thailand government realized the dangerous of HIV, so they decided to increase the funding by 2000 percent and sustain the fund of this program. This supports the claim of the reading passage that a successful HIV program need to receive a large and stable funding. Secondly, the professor talks about Thailand was able to lower rate of new infection considerably by implementing aggressive education program. He argues that by teaching the people who is most contracting to the virus like drug users or young un marriage men/women. The education indicates the dangerous of sharing drug needle or unprotected sex to these people, thus the program is able decline the number of new infection. This illustrates the point made in the reading passage that education is essential in the prevention of HIV infection. Finally, the professor mentions the effectiveness of Thailand's new law in HIV prevention. To illustrate this, he says that HIV infected people have been no longer fare being reported to the government. The result was more people were willing to go tested for HIV virus and thus, the infection rates went down. This exemplifies the point made in the reading passage that accepting HIV patients is able to decline the number of infection.
The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
and lecture materials
are concerned
with the characteristics of a successful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
HIV
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prevention
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
program
. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professor
discusses Thailand's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
HIV
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prevention
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
program
to
The verb after "to" should be in the base form: "illustrate".
illustrates
the claim made in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
passage.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professor
discusses investing more money and having stable funding contribute to the success of Thailand's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
HIV
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prevention
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
program
. In fact, he says that Thailand's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
HIV
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prevention
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
program
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to be
poorly
funded and not high priority by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
.
However
, Thailand
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
realized the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
HIV
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they decided to increase the funding by 2000 percent and sustain the fund of this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
program
. This supports the claim of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
passage that a successful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
HIV
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
program
need to receive a large and stable funding.

Secondly
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professor
talks about Thailand was able to lower rate of new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
infection
considerably
by implementing aggressive education
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
program
. He argues that by teaching the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
Did you mean "am", "are", "aren"? Alternatively, check whether the singular of 'people' should be used.
is
most contracting to the virus like drug users or young
Possible spelling mistake found.
un
marriage
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
/women. The education indicates the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
of sharing drug needle or unprotected sex to these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
thus
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
program
is able decline the number of new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
infection
. This illustrates the point made in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
passage that education is essential in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prevention
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
HIV
infection.

Finally
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professor
mentions the effectiveness of Thailand's new law in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
HIV
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prevention
. To illustrate this, he says that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
HIV
infected
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have been no longer fare
being reported
to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
. The result was more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
were willing to go
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tested
for
This phrase is redundant ('V' stands for 'virus'). Use simply "HIV".
HIV virus
and
thus
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
infection
rates went down. This exemplifies the point made in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
passage that accepting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
HIV
patients is able to decline the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
infection
.
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IELTS essay HIV infections have reached epidemic proportions in many developing nations around the world. While access to cheap, effective drug treatments has made it possible to live a longer, more active life with the HIV virus, the key to controlling the epidemic

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
281 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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