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The following appeared as an opinion-editorial in a local newspaper:In the last 10 years, the number of patrons to the local library has decreased by a factor of 5, while during that time the number of purchases of electronic books has increased by a fact

The following appeared as an opinion-editorial in a local newspaper: In the last 10 years, the number of patrons to the local library has decreased by a factor of 5, while during that time the number of purchases of electronic books has increased by a fact pRbGw
The author of this analytical piece arrives at the conclusion that Library should spend more money on advertising. To substantiate the assertion, the author cites that number of patrons to the local library has decreased in last 10 years and this is because of not good advertising by them. Conterproductively, close scrutiny of the facts, this argument suffers from many fallacies. The author has considered only limited factors to draw conclusion. Non-consideration of additional factors has left argument vulnerable to skepticism and ambiguities. First and foremost, Is ineffective advertising only reason for decreasing in number of patrons? The author thinks so for the reason that the online merchants are advertising their products effectively, which resulted in increase number of purchase of electronic books. However, it is plausible that there could be other reasons for decreasing number of patrons to local library. For example, Difference between Cost (fees) of library and cost of electronic books, Different offers given by online merchants, variety of books available online, etc. The author should give information regarding these things which can make his argument convincing. Secondly, How many number of patrons 10 years ago? Is the decrease in number of patrons large? What was condition of electronic books that time? What is the difference between number of patrons and sales of online books today? The author need to look into this factors. The author does not give information on above things. Without this information, we cannot make any conclusion in this case. Finally, Can increase in amount of money on advertising lead to increase in number of patrons to the local library? The author has not provided strong evidence to support his recommendation. Now-a-days, People wants quality. So, Is only increase in advertising sufficient? The author need to look into additional factors. Therefore, The author's argument is not persuasive as it stands and not cogent enough to reach to the proposed prescription. But it can become more admissible by providing information, evidences which are discussed above.
The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
author
of this analytical piece arrives at the conclusion that Library should spend more money on advertising. To substantiate the assertion, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
author
cites that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
patrons
to the local library has decreased in last 10 years and this is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
advertising by them.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Conterproductively
,
Consider using "scrutiny".
close scrutiny
of the facts, this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
argument
suffers from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
fallacies. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
author
has considered
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
limited factors to draw conclusion. Non-consideration of additional factors has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
argument
vulnerable to skepticism and ambiguities.

First
and foremost, Is ineffective advertising
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
reason for decreasing in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
patrons
? The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
author
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thinks
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
for the reason that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
merchants are advertising their products
effectively
, which resulted in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increase
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
of electronic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
.
However
, it is plausible that there could be other reasons for decreasing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
patrons
to local library.
For example
, Difference between Cost (fees) of library and cost of electronic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Different
offers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
merchants, variety of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
available
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
, etc. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
author
should give
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
regarding these things which can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
argument
convincing.

Secondly
, How
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
patrons
10 years ago? Is the decrease in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
patrons
large? What was condition of electronic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
that time? What is the difference between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
patrons
and sales of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
? The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
author
need to look into
Did you mean "these"?
this
factors. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
author
does not give
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
on above things. Without this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
, we cannot
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
any conclusion
in this case
.

Finally
, Can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increase
in amount of money on advertising lead to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increase
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
patrons
to the local library? The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
author
has not provided strong evidence to support his recommendation.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Now
-a-days,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
wants
quality.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, Is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increase
in advertising sufficient? The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
author
need to look into additional factors.

Therefore
, The author's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
argument
is not persuasive as it stands and not cogent
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to reach to the proposed prescription.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
it can become more admissible by providing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
, evidences which
are discussed
above.
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IELTS essay The following appeared as an opinion-editorial in a local newspaper: In the last 10 years, the number of patrons to the local library has decreased by a factor of 5, while during that time the number of purchases of electronic books has increased by a fact

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
331 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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  • The following appeared as an opinion-editorial in a local newspaper:In the last 10 years, the number of patrons to the local library has decreased by a factor of 5, while during that time the number of purchases of electronic books has increased by a fact