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The extended family is less important now than it was in the past.

The extended family is less important now than it was in the past. 6xKM8
In the urbanization world, people live far away from their relatives and friend. Some people may say that the extended family is less important now than it was in the past and others disagree. However, from my vintage point the extended family has no significant value in a person’s life now. I would like to explain give reasons for it. The first exquisite point to be mentioned is that people have changed their attitude towards the moral values of life. Apparently, people are busy in their life as they want to pursue high aims in a career and want to become a successful wealthy person. In the past, the family was the top most priority for a person, nothing was more crucial than a family gathering and ceremonies. On the other hand, people do not attend any family events and consider as a waste of time. Moreover, people leave their family in a search of better opportunity and qualitative life, which results in the decline in love and affection toward the extended family. Now, people know how to maintain their commercial relation in order to accomplish their target, how to earn money and use it for own purposes, while in the past money was used for a family’s good and for a charity. The respect for cousins and grandparents do not exist now. Furthermore, when people get a time from their jobs, they want to enjoy their vacations alone, not with other members of the family. They believe in independence living. Thus, the moral values and respect for family are no longer available in a person. Another reason that deserves some words is that decline in interest toward family planning, result of that they have only few members in the family. A couple only wants to have one baby in a family, which limits the extended family. The baby grown up by herself and does not learn meaning of a family relation. A vivid example can be given to shed light on the subject is my own experience. I have four years old boy, who goes to day care as my husband and I, both do not have time. While in the past, grandparents grew me up with lots of love and care, therefore, I have more attachment to my grandparents. Moreover, I had two siblings, which strengthen my bond with the family. My son does not understand the meaning love and care for the extended family. Thus, kids detached from their relatives. The noteworthy refreshing intelligible statistics, revealed by a study conducted in a metro city of India shows that the modern people live to prefer by their own without others interference. The study was conducted among thousands of people by distributing a questionnaire about the extended family. Researcher concluded that ninety percent people do not believe in the extended family. To wrap up all, I firmly believe the extended family is less important now due to modern lifestyle and thoughts. The research supports my thought.
In the urbanization world,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
far away from their relatives and friend.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
may say that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extended
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
is less
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
now
than it was in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
past
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
and others
disagree.
However
, from my
Did you mean "vantage point"?
vintage point
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extended
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
has no significant value in a person’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
now
. I would like to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
give reasons for it.

The
first
exquisite point to
be mentioned
is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
their attitude towards the moral values of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
Apparently
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are busy in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
as they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
want
to pursue high aims in a career and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
want
to become a successful wealthy person. In the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
past
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
was the top most priority for a person, nothing was more crucial than a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
gathering and ceremonies. On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not attend any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
and consider as a waste of time.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
in a search of better opportunity and qualitative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
, which results in the decline in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
and affection toward the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extended
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Now
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
know how to maintain their commercial relation in order to accomplish their target, how to earn money and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
it for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
purposes, while in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
past
money was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family’s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
and for a charity. The respect for cousins and grandparents do not exist
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
now
.
Furthermore
, when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a time from their jobs, they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
want
to enjoy their vacations alone, not with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
members of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
. They believe in independence living.
Thus
, the moral values and respect for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
are no longer available in a person.

Another reason that deserves
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
words is that decline in interest toward
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
planning, result of that they have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
few members in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
. A couple
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wants
to have one baby in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
, which limits the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extended
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
. The baby grown up by herself and does not learn meaning of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
relation. A vivid example can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
to shed light on the subject is my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
experience. I have four years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
boy, who goes to day care as my husband and I, both do not have time. While in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
past
, grandparents grew me up with lots of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
and care,
therefore
, I have more attachment to my grandparents.
Moreover
, I had two siblings, which strengthen my bond with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
. My son does not understand the meaning
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
and care for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extended
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
.
Thus
, kids detached from their relatives.

The noteworthy refreshing intelligible statistics, revealed by a study conducted in a metro city of India
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that the modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
to prefer by their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
without others interference. The study
was conducted
among thousands of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
by distributing a questionnaire about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extended
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
. Researcher concluded that ninety percent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not believe in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extended
family.

To wrap up all, I
firmly
believe the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extended
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
is less
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
now
due to modern lifestyle and thoughts. The research supports my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
.
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IELTS essay The extended family is less important now than it was in the past.

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
497 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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