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The entertainment choices have changed now as the modern technology has provided us newer options. The leisure activities earlier were more productive and were a good show of creativity. Do you agree or disagree?

The entertainment choices have changed now as the modern technology has provided us newer options. The leisure activities earlier were more productive and were a good show of creativity. YLg1m
No doubts on, modern technologies are using everywhere and it makes life easier. After world war II, every country has started to work on development track and now a days, people are aware with every sectors of new inventions. For enjoyment, people are liking to join with graphical games, listen songs with headphone, watching television and so on. As per my point of view, outdoor activities as an entertainment are more reliable and effective than internet invention sources for everyone. Firstly, concentrate on new firms, nowadays, they are more attractive with new inventions and its not good for them. Due to overused the new inventios products like video game, you tube, and etc. , they become a part of eye-strain problems, muscles development problems, communication problems and so on. furthermore, they would be face knowledge problems, concentrating problems and creativeness problems in their professional life. With the help of outlives games, we would able to develop our mind uniqueness, physical strength, hormones growth and it would be also beneficial for new aged children. In addition, new generation are concentrating on technology’s entertainment programmes like most of group youth are using new devices for enjoyment like developed cell phones. Those devices are bounding thinking process and it will affect on directly future links. Furthermore, Due to online hubs and more usage area of internet, new lineage is becoming part of technology addiction, blue wheal game, for instance, so many children were lost them life because of addiction. On the other hand, more attachment with outdoor games, people don’t be a part of knowledge of technological things means they are not aware with technological invention which found day by day. Secondly, more outdoor activities are making humans unstable because they are not capable to stay on one place for long time. To conclude, every coin has pros and cons similarly, technology has. No doubt on that outdoor games or activities are helping more to develop our creativity, our ideas, our brilliantness, our strength than indoor activities attached with inventions. I should say to new lineage, concentrate on future and select one accurate option which would help to make your life in better way.
No doubts on, modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technologies
are using everywhere and it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
easier. After
Capitalize specific historic events, episodes, and eras.
world war II
, every country has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
to work on development
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
track
and
Did you mean "nowadays"?
now a days
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are aware with every
The noun should be probably in the singular form: "sector"?
sectors
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
inventions. For enjoyment,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
The verb 'liking' is a stative verb and sometimes the progressive form is not correct. Try a simple form instead.
are liking
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
with graphical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
, listen songs with headphone, watching television and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on. As per my point of view,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
outdoor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
as an entertainment are more reliable and effective than internet invention sources for everyone.

Firstly
, concentrate on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
firms, nowadays, they are more attractive with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
inventions and its not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
for them. Due
Did you mean "to overuse"?
to overused
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
Possible spelling mistake found.
inventios
products like video game,
This word is normally spelled as one.
you tube
,
Write the name of the item after 'and' or use only "etc".
and etc
.
Put a space after the comma, but not before the comma
,
they become a part of eye-strain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
, muscles development
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
, communication
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on.
furthermore
, they would be face knowledge
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
, concentrating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
and creativeness
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
in their professional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. With the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of outlives
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
, we
Did you mean "would be able"?
would able
to develop our mind uniqueness, physical strength, hormones growth and it would be
also
beneficial for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
aged children.

In addition
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
generation are concentrating on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology’s
entertainment
Possible spelling mistake. 'programmes' is British English.
programmes
like most of group youth are using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
devices for enjoyment like developed cell phones. Those devices are bounding thinking process and it will
Did you mean "effect"?
affect
on
directly
future links.
Furthermore
, Due to online hubs and more usage area of internet,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
lineage is becoming part of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
addiction, blue wheal game,
for instance
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
children
were lost
them
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of addiction.

On the other hand
, more attachment with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
outdoor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
don’t be a part of knowledge of technological things means they are not aware with technological invention which found day by day.
Secondly
, more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
outdoor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
are making humans unstable
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are not capable to stay on one place for long time.

To conclude
, every coin has pros and cons
similarly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
has. No doubt on that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
outdoor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
are helping more to develop our creativity, our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
, our
Possible spelling mistake found.
brilliantness
, our strength than indoor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
attached with inventions. I should say to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
lineage, concentrate on future and select one accurate option which would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
in better way.
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IELTS essay The entertainment choices have changed now as the modern technology has provided us newer options. The leisure activities earlier were more productive and were a good show of creativity.

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
361 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
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