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If you could change one important thing about your hometown, what would you change? Use reasons and specific examples to support your answer.

If you could change one important thing about your hometown, what would you change? Use reasons and specific examples to support your answer. WyYRK
Millions of kids all over the world are going to school every day. They are getting knowledge, which required for their careers. Some people say that students must spend the whole day on academic studies, while others believe that physical exercise should be a required part of every school day. Personally, I agree with the last option, since exercise and sports have numerous benefits to kids. First, sports are vital for our health. Physical activity helps us to get away from stress and to relax our minds. It gives the kids an opportunity to move around and to get a fresh air. Sports prevent obesity and back pain, by developing muscles and motoric skills. Some activities can even impart interpersonal skill. For example, a team sport, such as soccer, makes kids not only run and hit the ball, but also teaches them the importance of a team work and cooperation. Second, physical exercise helps us focus. A tired brain is unable to absorb more information. A long school day can be exhausted, especially for young kids. They need to change activity frequently in order to maintain their focus. One can say that there are brakes in between the lessons, when in reality, most kids continue to sit with their phones. As a kid, I remember myself going out on a brake to play with my friends. Unfortunately, it is not the case today, when most of us cannot be separated from the phone. Furthermore, spending a whole day on studies can harm children’s vision. On the other hand, sports are not the key objective of students. Their purpose should be to gain knowledge and to prepare for a successful career. Too many activities can slow down the learning speed and provoke lag from others in class. All in all, I believe physical exercise should be incorporated in a school day, as it has plenty of benefits for student.
Millions of
kids
all over the world are going to
school
every day. They are getting knowledge, which required for their careers.
Some
people
say that students
must
spend the whole day on academic studies, while others believe that
physical
exercise
should be a required part of every
school
day.
Personally
, I
agree
with the last option, since
exercise
and
sports
have numerous benefits to kids.

First
,
sports
are vital for our health.
Physical
activity
helps
us to
get
away from
stress
and to relax our minds. It gives the
kids
an opportunity to
move
around and to
get
a fresh air.
Sports
prevent
obesity and back pain, by developing muscles and
motoric
skills
.
Some
activities
can even impart interpersonal
skill
.
For example
, a team
sport
, such as soccer,
makes
kids
not
only
run and hit the ball,
but
also
teaches them the importance of a team work and cooperation.

Second,
physical
exercise
helps
us focus. A tired brain is unable to absorb more information. A long
school
day can
be exhausted
,
especially
for young
kids
. They need to
change
activity
frequently
in order to maintain their focus. One can say that there are brakes in between the lessons, when in reality, most
kids
continue to sit with their phones. As a
kid
, I remember myself going out on a brake to play with my friends. Unfortunately, it is not the case
today
, when most of us cannot
be separated
from the phone.
Furthermore
, spending a whole day on studies can harm children’s vision.

On the other hand
,
sports
are not the key objective of students. Their purpose should be to gain knowledge and to prepare for a successful career. Too
many
activities
can slow down the learning speed and provoke lag from others in
class
.

All in all, I believe
physical
exercise
should
be incorporated
in a
school
day, as it has
plenty
of benefits for student.
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IELTS essay If you could change one important thing about your hometown, what would you change? Use reasons and specific examples to support your answer.

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
318 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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