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Nowadays,children watch a lot of TV and play video games.However,some people think that these activities are not good for a child's mental health.To what extent do you agree or disagree.?

Nowadays, children watch a lot of TV and play video games. However, some people think that these activities are not good for a child's mental health. ? 6x6r8
It is undeniable that, technology is flourished by leaps and bounds. These days, whether the exorbitant excessive of television or computer game by the adolescent would be deterimental effect on their mind, and physical fitness. In my opinion, I strongly agree with the given statement. To intiate with, scientific advancement has had a massive impact on our society, which will be adversed effect on the younger generation. The first and foremost reason is that progeny, who is spend abudanced of time watching a TV, and playing a video games consequently, they may have jeopardize effect on eyesight, and cannot get more attention on their studies. For instance, most of the juveniles in their leisure time, who prolonged plays a pubg game that might be suffered from obesity. Hence, they will not able to do excel performance in the exam if kids implement their more precious time for watching a TV. Furthermore, it is not to act as an effective way for the development of children. To explain it further, they a plethora of time to allocate for playing a various game at home. therefore, they become not only less social, but also loneliness. For example, when a person plays video games and watch a TV a lot. Because of this, they unable to learn other activities. Thus, inappropriate contents of TV, and games push the teenagers towards the faces numerous predicament. On the contrary, infant acquire tremendous amount of knowledge about technology by watching a TV, and playing a video game. For illustration, children should be watched a Hollywood movies, then they will be enhanced the English subject. To recapitulate, electronic gadgets having a number of menacing effect on the child's Vision abilities Whereas, would provide a few merits. As a result, the parents and teachers ought to apprise them to far away from such addiction.
It is undeniable that, technology
is flourished
by leaps and bounds. These days, whether the exorbitant excessive of television or computer game by the adolescent would be
Possible spelling mistake found.
deterimental
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
effect
on their mind, and physical fitness. In my opinion, I
strongly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
statement. To
Possible spelling mistake found.
intiate
with, scientific advancement has had a massive impact on our society, which will be
Possible spelling mistake found.
adversed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
effect
on the younger generation. The
first
and foremost reason is that progeny, who is
Consider using a past participle here: "spent".
spend
Possible spelling mistake found.
abudanced
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
watching a TV, and playing a video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
consequently
, they may have
Use past participle here: "jeopardized".
jeopardize
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
effect
on eyesight, and cannot
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
more attention on their studies.
For instance
, most of the juveniles in their leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
, who prolonged plays a
Possible spelling mistake found.
pubg
game that might
be suffered
from obesity.
Hence
, they will not able to do excel performance in the exam if kids implement their more precious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for watching a TV.
Furthermore
, it is not to act as an effective way for the development of children. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
it
further
, they a plethora of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to allocate for playing a various game at home.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
therefore
, they become not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
less social,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
loneliness.
For example
, when a person plays video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
a TV a lot.
Because of this
,
Did you mean "they are" or "they were"?
they
unable to learn other activities.
Thus
, inappropriate contents of TV, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
push the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
towards the faces numerous predicament.
On the contrary
, infant acquire tremendous amount of knowledge about technology by watching a TV, and playing a video game. For illustration, children should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watched
a Hollywood movies, then they will
be enhanced
the English subject. To recapitulate, electronic gadgets having a number of menacing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
effect
on the child's Vision abilities Whereas, would provide a few merits.
As a result
, the parents and teachers ought to apprise them to far away from such addiction.
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IELTS essay Nowadays, children watch a lot of TV and play video games. However, some people think that these activities are not good for a child's mental health. ?

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
306 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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