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the effects of too much media coverage on celebrities

the effects of too much media coverage on celebrities Ag1NM
A considerable majority of parents are worried about the negative consequences of too much focus of media on famous people. Personally, I do not think their worry is illogical, as I somehow agree with this argument that overkill amount of media coverage on celebrities may have long-lasting and significant drawbacks on young children’s lives. In this essay, I will outline two of these negative effects. Firstly, in terms of outlook on how to gain success in adulthood, young individuals watching most members of society talk about celebrities lives and their behaviours may be led towards this idea that the only path to be successful is to become a famous icon in their country. Although it is not always bad. Children sometimes consider a sportsman as their role model and try to emulate him or her in order to end up like them. Like what mostly happens among well-known footbalists. However, with the speedy trend of non-talented people gaining fame via social media, young children may misunderstand the concept of fame and popularity. Therefore, it appears that young generations need to be guided about this vital subjects. The second point to consider is the matter of financial expenditure of a family with young children. These days the vast majority of brands and companies try their best to use famous citizens in their advertisements. On the other hand, most celebrities accept these deals mainly due to high amount of money paid for these jobs. As a result, the young memebers of a middle or working class family see their idols advertising a pair of shoes, for instance, and ask their parents desperatelly to buy them, regardless of the price. Most of the time, it can be difficult for parents to persuade their children not to purchase that product. Overall, it is somewhat hard to deny the fact that nowadays, there is too much attention given to celebrities. And this has made parents concerned about their children. Since it can have noteworthy disadvantagous for young individuals such as probable wrong decision for their future and the huge amount of money spent on items advertised by celebrities.
A considerable majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are worried
about the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
consequences of too much focus of media on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.
Personally
, I do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
their worry is illogical, as I somehow
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this argument that overkill amount of media coverage on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
may have long-lasting and significant drawbacks on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. In this essay, I will outline two of these
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects.

Firstly
, in terms of outlook on how to gain success in adulthood,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
individuals watching most members of society talk about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
and their
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviours' is British English.
behaviours
may
be led
towards this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
path to be successful is to become a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
icon in their country.
“Although” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Although
it is not always
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
consider a sportsman as their role model and try to emulate him or her in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
up like them. Like what
mostly
happens among well-known
Possible spelling mistake found.
footbalists
.
However
, with the speedy trend of non-talented
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
gaining fame via social media,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
may misunderstand the concept of fame and popularity.
Therefore
, it appears that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
generations need to
be guided
about this vital subjects.

The second point to consider is the matter of financial expenditure of a family with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. These days the vast majority of brands and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
try their best to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
citizens in their advertisements.
On the other hand
, most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
accept these deals
mainly
due to high amount of money paid for these jobs.
As a result
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
Possible spelling mistake found.
memebers
of a middle or working
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
family
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
their idols advertising a pair of shoes,
for instance
, and ask their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
Possible spelling mistake found.
desperatelly
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
them, regardless of the price. Most of the time, it can be difficult for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
to persuade their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
not to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
that product.

Overall
, it is somewhat
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to deny the fact that nowadays, there is too much attention
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
. And this has made
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
concerned about their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. Since it can have noteworthy
Possible spelling mistake found.
disadvantagous
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
individuals such as probable
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
decision for their future and the huge amount of money spent on items advertised by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
.
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IELTS essay the effects of too much media coverage on celebrities

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
353 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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