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The editor of a local newspaper sent the following memo to the managing editor of the paper:“Three years ago when we surveyed our subscribers, they complained about the quality of the reporting and writing in the paper. Since that time, we have made a c

The editor of a local newspaper sent the following memo to the managing editor of the paper: “Three years ago when we surveyed our subscribers, they complained about the quality of the reporting and writing in the paper. Since that time, we have made a c BJWEV
The editor of the local newspaper proposed to hire more old and experienced journalists for more increase in their subscribers and gradually decrease the younger employees. The premises of the author has myriad of loopholes and I am going to present them. First of all, the author told that three years ago their current subscribers report about the quality and now they gained thirteen percent more subscriber. But the first void is done they actually increase subscribers, where are the proofs that subscribers were increased in three years, what were the number of subscribers three years ago. The author also claims that the readers rated them higher, but the question is the number of readers rated them higher, are the numbers increased or the same as before. the author does not give any proper evidence to bolster his or her claims. The second point the author told that they need more experienced and old journalists and pare new ones. The question is that, are they sure the old journalists are qualified writer. Maybe the new employees are better qualified than old employees. Maybe new journalists only lack experience and they only need a little bit of training to suave on the areas. The third paradoxical point author present is, hire more old employees and fire younger ones. This a paradox because if new workers do not get works how could they experienced and there are always limited resources of experienced workers. In the end, the author gave us some pragmatic claims and evidence full of voids. The author should have provided more figures and data to reinforces his or her evidences.
The editor of the local newspaper proposed to hire more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experienced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
journalists
for more increase in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subscribers
and
gradually
decrease the younger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
. The premises of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
author
has myriad of
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
loopholes and
I am going to present them.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
author
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
told
that three years ago their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subscribers
report about the quality and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
they gained thirteen percent more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subscriber
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
the
first
void
is done
they actually increase
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subscribers
, where are the proofs that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subscribers
were increased
in three years, what were the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subscribers
three years ago. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
author
also
claims that the readers rated them higher,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the question is the number of readers rated them higher, are the numbers increased or the same as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
author
does not give any proper evidence to bolster
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
his or her
claims.

The second point the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
author
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
told
that they need more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experienced
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
journalists
and pare
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
ones. The question is that, are they sure the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
journalists
are qualified
writer. Maybe the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
are better qualified than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
. Maybe
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
journalists
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
lack
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
experience and
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
need a
Reduce redundancy by using "little" or "bit".
little bit
of training to suave on the areas.

The third paradoxical point
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
author
present is, hire more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
and fire younger ones. This a paradox
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
workers do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
works how could they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experienced
and there are always limited resources of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experienced
workers.

In the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
author
gave us
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
pragmatic claims and evidence full of voids. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
author
should have provided more figures and data to reinforces
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
his or her
evidences.
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IELTS essay The editor of a local newspaper sent the following memo to the managing editor of the paper: “Three years ago when we surveyed our subscribers, they complained about the quality of the reporting and writing in the paper. Since that time, we have made a c

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
271 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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