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The continued rise in the world's population is the greatest problem faced by humanity at the present time. What are the causes of this continued rise? Do you agree?

The continued rise in the world's population is the greatest problem faced by humanity at the present time. What are the causes of this continued rise? Do you agree? gk7A
Nowadays, it is undoubtedly that population is noticeable increasing throughout the world and it is turning to be the biggest issue ever faced by us. In this essay, I will discuss a few causes for this circumstance and support my stand with valid arguments in the following paragraphs. To begin, there are certain reasons behind the rise in population, one of the most prominent reason is illiteracy among people. For the reason that poor people do not have sufficient knowledge to be understand the family planning. Consequently, these societies family consist of up to 6 to 10 children. For example, rural areas of most countries in the world are the highest in regarding to the population due to its illiteracy and lack of awareness. Moreover, another important reason is peer pressure. If individuals around us have a large number of kids, they expect us also to have it. Thus, these are the major reasons for increase in birth rate which leads to a huge population problem. In my opinion, the biggest challenge of us is growing population. We often forget about the negative consequences of this rise. For more people, we need to have more food to eat, more jobs to work and earn, and more accommodations to live in. For instance, India is extremely high in population and is also high as they don't have proper labour. Moreover, in many parts of the world, especially in poor countries, lack of food results in many serious health problems and even deaths. Take Eithiopia, as an example, the average death per day due to food shortage is extremely high. Hence, these are the serious issues which can not be ignored and these problems may also cause not only petty criminals and also toughening ones because individuals are finding the way for survival. To sum up, the population explosion is caused by the lack of awareness and peer pressure. In my personal belief, i agree that overpopulation becomes a major issue for humanity at the present time.
Nowadays, it is
undoubtedly
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
is noticeable increasing throughout the world and it is turning to be the biggest issue ever faced by us. In this essay, I will discuss a few causes for this circumstance and support my stand with valid arguments in the following paragraphs.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
, there are certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
behind the rise in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
, one of the most prominent
Please check whether a plural form of 'reason' should be used.
reason
is illiteracy among
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
. For the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
that poor
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
do not have sufficient knowledge to be
Consider using a past participle here: "understood".
understand
the family planning.
Consequently
, these
Apostrophe might be missing. Did you mean "societies'" or "society's"?
societies
family consist of up to 6 to 10 children.
For example
, rural areas of most countries in the world are the highest in
The phrase 'regarding to' is not correct. Use "regarding" or "regard to".
regarding to
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
due to its illiteracy and lack of awareness.
Moreover
, another
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
is peer pressure. If individuals around us have
Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use "many" or "numerous"
a large number of
kids, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expect
us
also
to have it.
Thus
, these are the major
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
for increase in birth rate which leads to a huge
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
problem.

In my opinion, the biggest challenge of us is growing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
. We
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
forget about the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
consequences of this rise. For more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, we need to have more food to eat, more jobs to work and earn, and more accommodations to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in.
For instance
, India is
extremely
high in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
and is
also
high as they don't have proper
Possible spelling mistake. 'labour' is British English.
labour
.
Moreover
, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
parts of the world,
especially
in poor countries, lack of food results in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
serious health problems and even deaths. Take
Possible spelling mistake found.
Eithiopia
, as an example, the average death per day due to food shortage is
extremely
high.
Hence
, these are the serious issues which can not be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignored
and these problems may
also
cause not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
petty criminals and
also
toughening ones
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
individuals are finding the way for survival.

To sum up, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
explosion
is caused
by the lack of awareness and peer pressure. In my personal belief,
Is this the personal pronoun "I"? It is spelled uppercase.
i
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that overpopulation becomes a major issue for humanity at the present time.
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IELTS essay The continued rise in the world's population is the greatest problem faced by humanity at the present time. What are the causes of this continued rise? Do you agree?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
335 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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