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The charts below show the results of a survey about what people of different age groups say makes them most happy. v.1

The charts below show the results of a survey about what people of different age groups say makes them most happy. v. 1
The uses of cars, nowadays, are obvious for the people to entertain hassle free smooth transportation. While there are lots of disadvantages in the use of personal vehicle, I strongly believe that it’s extended advantages outright the demerits. Global temperature and environmental air pollution have been increased significantly. The reason is that the extensive uses of personal autos lead to the emission of substances which contaminates the air, and also causes traffic jams and accidents. As a result, the world temperature is likely to rocketing substantially. Moreover, it causes air pollution. Secondly, peoples’ dependence on cars can influence them to decrease some physical activities like walking and cycling. People may have a higher chance to fall into greater health risks, like obesity and heart attack. On the other hand, there are many reasons why people prefer to own cars. Firstly, it provides people with the freedom of movement. The ease of transportation, which a car brings is more prominent than any other form of vehicles. For example, you can go from a destination to another destination and no time is wasted waiting for the bus or train. Therefore, time and distance are not barriers anymore. Secondly, personal cars can give comfort while travelling compared to the public transports which are so crowded and disgusting. For instance, you can read books, listen to your favourite songs or even play with kids while you are in your own car but all seems to be impossible on a public transport. Finally, families can go together. This becomes especially helpful when there are elderly, the disabled or even sick members in the families. In conclusion, having a car can lead to a few obvious problems, but I believe that owning a car is the best choice and the benefits that it brings about can outshine its drawbacks
The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
uses
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
, nowadays, are obvious for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to entertain hassle free smooth transportation. While there are lots of disadvantages in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of personal vehicle, I
strongly
believe that it’s extended advantages outright the demerits.

Global temperature and environmental air pollution have
been increased
significantly
. The reason is that the extensive
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
uses
of personal autos lead to the emission of substances which contaminates the air, and
also
causes traffic jams and accidents.
As a result
, the world temperature is likely to rocketing
substantially
.
Moreover
, it causes air pollution.
Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
peoples’
dependence on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
can influence them to decrease
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
physical activities like walking and cycling.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
may have a higher chance to fall into greater health
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risks
, like obesity and heart attack.

On the other hand
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
reasons why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
prefer to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
.
Firstly
, it provides
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with the freedom of movement. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ease
of transportation, which a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
car
brings is more prominent than any other form of vehicles.
For example
, you can go from a destination to another destination and no time
is wasted
waiting for the bus or train.
Therefore
, time and distance are not barriers anymore.
Secondly
, personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
can give comfort while travelling compared to the public transports which are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
crowded and disgusting.
For instance
, you can read books, listen to your
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourite' is British English.
favourite
songs or even play with kids while you are in your
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
car
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
all seems to be impossible on
Uncountable nouns are usually not used with an indefinite article. Use simply "public transport".
a public transport
.
Finally
, families can go together. This becomes
especially
helpful when there are elderly, the disabled or even sick members in the families.

In conclusion
, having a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
car
can lead to a few obvious problems,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I believe that owning a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
car
is the best choice and the benefits that it brings about can outshine its drawbacks
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay The charts below show the results of a survey about what people of different age groups say makes them most happy. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
302 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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