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The chart below shows the top ten countries with the highest spending on travel in 2014. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. You should write at least 150 words. v.4

The chart below shows the top ten countries with the highest spending on travel in 2014.
THE CHART ILLUSTRATED THE AMOUNT OF cash SPENT ON TEN COUNTRIES CONSUMER ON TRAVEL IN 2014. UNITS ARE MEASURED IN BILLION USD. THE SOURCE OF CHART WAS TAKEN FROM UNWTO. THE COUNTRIES NAME BASED FROM HIGHEST POSITION ARE CHINA. ALL COUNTRIES FROM THE INFORMATION chart CONTAINS THE WELL KNOWN COUNTRIES, AFORESAID AS: CHINA, THE UNITED STATES, GERMANY, THE UNITED KINGDOM, SINGAPORE, SOUTH KOREA, HONG KONG, INDIA, MALAYSIA, AND TAIWAN. THE INFORMATION FROM chart WAS USING MULTIPLE OF 20 SCALES WHICH STARTS FROM 0 TO 120. FORMERLY THE GRAPH WAS SHOWED WITH HORIZONTAL DISPLAY WHICH IS ACCOMPANIED BY THE SEPARATOR LINE IN THE SCALE WITH VALUE 4. AFOREMENTIONED WAS RELATED TO THE SOURCE FROM UNWTO OVERALL, THE CHINA SPENT MORE cash ON CONSUMER TRAVEL THAN OTHER 9 (NINE) COUNTRIES IN 2014. CHINA SPENT MONEY ON TRAVEL WITH CONCENTRATE 110 US $TONS. AFTERWARD RATED ACCORDED TO THE UNITED STATES AND GERMANY WITH 85 US $TONS, AND FORMERLY FOLLOWED BY THE UNITED KINGDOM WITH 55 US $TONS, SOUTH KOREA AND HONG KONG WITH 20 US $TONS, INDIA WITH 15 US $TONS, LATER MALAYSIA WITH 12 US $TONS. THE CLOSING RATED IN GRAPHIC SHOWED BY THE COUNTRY OF TAIWAN WITH 10 US $TONS CONSUMED IN 2014 IN TERMS OF COMPARISON OF DONATION CONSUMER ON CHINA WITH TAIWAN WERE CONTAINED 100 US $TONS. AS THE chart SHOW THE PURCHASER EXPENDED ON CHINA IS 11 TIMES LARGER THAN TAIWAN. THE ANOTHER FACT THAT READER CAN TOOK FROM THE GRAPH WAS FROM TOP TO BOTTOM, UNITS OF SPENDING WAS DECREASING FROM ONE TO ANOTHER. THERE ARE 2 (TWO) COUNTRIES THAT HAVE THE EQUALIZATION OF SPENDING COSTUMERS EACH OTHER. SOME COUNTRIES IN ASIA WAS TELLING US TO CONTINUE AND DOMINATE COMPARED TO OTHER CONTINENTS IN YEARS OF 2014. THE CONCLUSION FROM THE DIAGRAM WAS TELLING US ABOUT cash SPENT ON tour 2014. WE HAVE KNOWN THE PEOPLE REPUBLIC OF CHINA BECOMES THE BIGGEST SPENDING PATRON IN 2014. CHINA NEIGHBOURING COUNTRIES, HONG KONG AND TAIWAN ARE INCLUDED. THAT FARTHER RELATED TO NUMBER OF POPULATIONS WHERE THERE ARE POTENTIALS FOR VERY BIG TRAVELS
THE
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
CHART
ILLUSTRATED THE AMOUNT OF cash
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
SPENT
ON TEN
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
COUNTRIES
CONSUMER ON
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
TRAVEL
IN 2014. UNITS
ARE MEASURED
IN
Use "a BILLION" or use a number before 'BILLION'.
BILLION
USD. THE SOURCE OF
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
CHART
WAS TAKEN
FROM
Possible spelling mistake found.
UNWTO
. THE
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
COUNTRIES
NAME BASED FROM
A determiner is probably missing here: "the HIGHEST".
HIGHEST
POSITION ARE CHINA. ALL
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
COUNTRIES
FROM THE INFORMATION
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chart
CONTAINS THE WELL KNOWN
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
COUNTRIES
, AFORESAID AS: CHINA, THE
The proper noun "United STATES" needs to be capitalized.
UNITED STATES
, GERMANY, THE
The proper noun "United KINGDOM" needs to be capitalized.
UNITED KINGDOM
, SINGAPORE, SOUTH KOREA, HONG KONG, INDIA, MALAYSIA, AND TAIWAN. THE INFORMATION FROM
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
chart
WAS USING MULTIPLE OF 20 SCALES WHICH
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
STARTS
FROM 0 TO 120.
FORMERLY
THE GRAPH WAS
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
SHOWED
WITH HORIZONTAL DISPLAY WHICH
IS ACCOMPANIED
BY THE SEPARATOR LINE IN THE SCALE WITH VALUE 4. AFOREMENTIONED
WAS RELATED
TO THE SOURCE FROM
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
UNWTO


OVERALL
, THE CHINA
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SPENT
MORE cash ON CONSUMER
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TRAVEL
THAN OTHER 9 (NINE)
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COUNTRIES
IN 2014. CHINA
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SPENT
MONEY ON
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TRAVEL
WITH CONCENTRATE 110 US
Possible spelling mistake found.
$TONS
. AFTERWARD RATED ACCORDED TO THE
The proper noun "United STATES" needs to be capitalized.
UNITED STATES
AND GERMANY WITH 85 US
Possible spelling mistake found.
$TONS
, AND
FORMERLY
FOLLOWED BY THE
The proper noun "United KINGDOM" needs to be capitalized.
UNITED KINGDOM
WITH 55 US
Possible spelling mistake found.
$TONS
, SOUTH KOREA AND HONG KONG WITH 20 US
Possible spelling mistake found.
$TONS
, INDIA WITH 15 US
Possible spelling mistake found.
$TONS
, LATER MALAYSIA WITH 12 US
Possible spelling mistake found.
$TONS
. THE CLOSING RATED IN GRAPHIC
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
SHOWED
BY THE
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
COUNTRY
OF TAIWAN WITH 10 US
Possible spelling mistake found.
$TONS
CONSUMED IN 2014

IN TERMS OF COMPARISON OF DONATION CONSUMER ON CHINA WITH TAIWAN
WERE CONTAINED
100 US
Possible spelling mistake found.
$TONS
. AS THE
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
chart
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
SHOW
THE PURCHASER EXPENDED ON CHINA IS 11 TIMES LARGER THAN TAIWAN. THE ANOTHER FACT THAT READER CAN TOOK FROM THE GRAPH WAS FROM TOP TO BOTTOM, UNITS OF SPENDING WAS DECREASING FROM ONE TO ANOTHER. THERE ARE 2 (TWO)
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
COUNTRIES
THAT HAVE THE EQUALIZATION OF SPENDING COSTUMERS EACH OTHER.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
SOME
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
COUNTRIES
IN ASIA
You should probably use: "were".
WAS
TELLING US TO CONTINUE AND DOMINATE COMPARED TO OTHER CONTINENTS IN YEARS OF 2014.

THE CONCLUSION FROM THE DIAGRAM WAS TELLING US ABOUT cash
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
SPENT
ON tour 2014. WE HAVE KNOWN THE
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
PEOPLE
REPUBLIC OF CHINA BECOMES THE BIGGEST SPENDING PATRON IN 2014. CHINA
Possible spelling mistake. 'NEIGHBOURING' is British English.
NEIGHBOURING
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
COUNTRIES
, HONG KONG AND TAIWAN
ARE INCLUDED
. THAT FARTHER RELATED TO NUMBER OF POPULATIONS WHERE THERE ARE POTENTIALS FOR
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
VERY
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
BIG
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
TRAVELS
1Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
26Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
19Mistakes

IELTS essay The chart below shows the top ten countries with the highest spending on travel in 2014.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
342 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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