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The birth rate in most developed countries is predicted to begin to fall over the next 50 years

The birth rate in most developed countries is predicted to begin to fall over the next 50 years a8gbY
The last 50 years have seen a drop in birth rates, with people aged 65 and more contributing to one-third of the population. In this essay, I am going to discuss the effects of this on the developed countries and suggest possible solutions to deal with it. First of all, a decline in the child-birth result in a major problem in working community because over time, lower births intend to decreasing people in the age bracket of 20 to 60, which is the most employed age group by any employer. Furthermore, this could lead to a decline in commercial output. For instance, most physically challenging works, such as construction work cannot be carried out by the people aged more than 60 as they require both physically and mentally strong workers. The solution for this can be to encourage young international citizens an opportunity to settle in the country. This result of this can be an increase in the working population and thus driving countries economic growth. Secondly, Lack of younger generation could result in fewer innovations. The reason for this being that in old age the brain might not function as well as it used to when a person was young. For instance, Many businesses employ younger age groups in their research and product development because of their innovative and imaginative powers, whereas seniors are restricted to mostly decision making roles. moreover, lack of innovations can result in a predictable and boring world. The answer to this problem can be to encourage more births by ensuring free education and health care incentives for the children. This can result in more births and over time can lead to an increase in younger population thus driving the nation's economic growth. conclution, lower birth rates can result in a decline in the economy and fewer innovations. I believe that the government is responsible to increase the birth rate by considering the solutions mentioned.
The last 50 years have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
a drop in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
birth
rates, with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
aged 65 and more contributing to one-third of the population. In this essay, I am going to discuss the effects of this on the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developed countries
and suggest possible solutions to deal with it.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, a decline in the child-birth
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
result
in a major problem in working community
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
over time, lower
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
births
intend to decreasing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
bracket of 20 to 60, which is the most employed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
group by any employer.
Furthermore
, this could lead to a decline in commercial output.
For instance
, most
physically
challenging works, such as construction work cannot
be carried
out by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
aged more than 60 as they require both
physically
and mentally strong workers. The solution for this can be to encourage young international citizens an opportunity to settle in the country. This
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
result
of this can be an increase in the working population and
thus
driving countries economic growth.

Secondly
, Lack of younger generation could
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
result
in fewer innovations. The reason for this being that in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
the brain might not function
as well
as it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to when a person was young.
For instance
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
businesses employ younger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
groups in their research and product development
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their innovative and imaginative powers, whereas seniors
are restricted
to
mostly
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
decision making
roles.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
moreover
, lack of innovations can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
result
in a predictable and boring world. The answer to this problem can be to encourage more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
births
by ensuring free education and health care incentives for the children. This can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
result
in more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
births
and over time can lead to an increase in younger population
thus
driving the nation's economic growth.

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
conclution
, lower
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
birth
rates can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
result
in a decline in the economy and fewer innovations. I believe that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
is responsible to increase the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
birth
rate by considering the solutions mentioned.
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IELTS essay The birth rate in most developed countries is predicted to begin to fall over the next 50 years

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
320 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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