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Some people believe that it is essential to include P.E classes in the curriculum for all school-age children. Others think that children’s time is better spend on more academic.

Some people believe that it is essential to include P. E classes in the curriculum for all school-age children. Others think that children’s time is better spend on more academic. BW51m
Some people think that Physical Education classes should be added in the curriculumn for all school-age children. Well to my opinion, I agree with this because P. E is a very good subject to improve your strength or even your stamina. I prefer this to spending on more academic subject because spending time on it is not always a good way to in school. Now I will tell you more about my opinion. Firstly, including P. E in the curriculum will make the students easier to study. Just think, everytime you feel stressful after a hard day studying, why don’t we have a football match or a badminton match to improve our strength, stamina and have fun with your friends or maybe just relax after studying. Secondly, not everyone is good at studying like the others. So adding P. E as a subject will help them to figure out what is suitable for them. Some will good at sports so they don’t have spend so much time on writing or theory subjects. They will try their best to improve their skill to compete in a competition. They could become a best football tennis-player in the world. So I think adding P. E into curriculum will be a very good idea for almost of the students to enjoy their studies and the results can be improved easier. Overall I agree with the opinion that adding P. E into curriculumn for all school-age children so they could love what they are studying and the outcome will be more beautiful for our country.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that Physical Education classes should be
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added
in the
Possible spelling mistake found.
curriculumn
for all school-age children. Well to my opinion, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
P. E is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
your strength or even your stamina. I prefer this to spending on more academic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
spending time on it is not always a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
way to in school.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Now
I will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tell
you more about my opinion.
Firstly
, including P. E in the curriculum will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the students easier to study.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Just
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
everytime
you feel stressful after a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
day
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studying
, why don’t we have a football match or a badminton match to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
our strength, stamina and have fun with your friends or maybe
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
relax after
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studying
.
Secondly
, not everyone is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studying
like the others.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
adding P. E as a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to figure out what is suitable for them.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
at sports
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they don’t have
Use past participle here: "spent".
spend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
much time on writing or theory
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
. They will try their best to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
to compete in a competition. They could become
Use "the" with the superlative.
a
best football tennis-player in the world.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
adding P. E into curriculum will be a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
for almost of the students to enjoy their studies and the results can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
easier.

Overall
I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the opinion that adding P. E into
Possible spelling mistake found.
curriculumn
for all school-age children
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
what they are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studying
and the outcome will be more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
beautiful
for our country.
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IELTS essay Some people believe that it is essential to include P. E classes in the curriculum for all school-age children. Others think that children’s time is better spend on more academic.

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
260 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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