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The birth rate in most developed countries is predicted to begin to fall over the next 50 years. By 2030 it is estimated that over one-third of the population in most developed countries will be aged 65 and over. What effects will these predictions have on developed countries if they prove true? What can be done now to deal with this situation?

The birth rate in most developed countries is predicted to begin to fall over the next 50 years. By 2030 it is estimated that over one-third of the population in most developed countries will be aged 65 and over. What effects will these predictions have on developed countries if they prove true? What can be done now to deal with this situation? E3pgQ
In modern Europe, the problem of birth rates has become very actual. As a result, many issues will arise, and the present generation of people will see a significant number of changes. It is essential to outline some notable aspects of this question, such as the rise in the number of new migrants and the ruin of the pension system, which can be compensated only by a decrease of pensions. First of all, the population of every country is a working force, and the lack of it creates many problems for the economy. At the same time, there are several solutions to this problem that are appropriate in the world. For example, to attract people from developing countries to reside in Europe with the aim of filling the gap. Unfortunately, it is predictable that this tendency can make worse the relations on the cultural base, and this the reason why certain parts of society do not accept this idea. Secondly, the stability of the pension system depends on one vital factor – the number of people who work and pay their taxes. The decline of the population always leads to a reduction of budget revenue and an economy in state spending. In this case, the government is obligated to make some unpopular decisions, for instance, to reduce pensions. This solution is regarded as negative. However, it is the most suitable answer in this situation. In conclusion, it is important to make a remark here; that the decline of the population is a very negative trend which can bring some bad consequences, such as the problem with the workforce, or the crisis of the pension system. However, there are some unpleasant solutions to these problems, the reduction of pensions and changes in migration policy with the target of attracting new employees from foreign countries.
In modern Europe, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
of birth rates has become
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
actual.
As a result
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
issues will arise, and the present generation of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
a significant number of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
. It is essential to outline
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
notable aspects of this question, such as the rise in the number of new migrants and the ruin of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pension
system, which can
be compensated
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
by a decrease of pensions.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, the population of every country is a working force, and the lack of it creates
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
for the economy. At the same time, there are several solutions to this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
that are appropriate in the world.
For example
, to attract
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
from
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developing countries
to reside in Europe with the aim of filling the gap. Unfortunately, it is predictable that this tendency can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
worse the relations on the cultural base, and this the reason why certain parts of society do not accept this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
.

Secondly
, the stability of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pension
system depends on one vital factor
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
–
the number of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who work and pay their taxes. The decline of the population always leads to a reduction of budget revenue and an economy in state spending.
In this case
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
is obligated
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
unpopular decisions,
for instance
, to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pensions
. This solution
is regarded
as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
.
However
, it is the most suitable answer in this situation.

In conclusion
, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a remark here; that the decline of the population is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
trend which can bring
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
consequences, such as the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
with the workforce, or the crisis of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pension
system.
However
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
unpleasant solutions to these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
, the reduction of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pensions
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
in migration policy with the target of attracting new employees from foreign countries.
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IELTS essay The birth rate in most developed countries is predicted to begin to fall over the next 50 years. By 2030 it is estimated that over one-third of the population in most developed countries will be aged 65 and over. What effects will these predictions have on developed countries if they prove true? What can be done now to deal with this situation?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
303 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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