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Teenagers in some nations work at jobs while they are still in school. Do you think it is a good idea for students to have jobs? Use specific examples and reasons to explain your answer.

Teenagers in some nations work at jobs while they are still in school. Do you think it is a good idea for students to have jobs? Use specific examples and reasons to explain your answer. AjpGX
Having a good job gives people a feeling of happiness as well as confidence. Nowadays most of youngsters in few countries doing jobs. According to my opinion, it is best way to secure the future and I will elaborate my point of view in upcoming paragraphs. To begin with, various grounds can be considered behind this approach, the prime reason is assist for better future. If the students start doing work in particular feild. They have an opportunity to make successful after the graduation as well as they also earn money and they know how to spend money in appropriate way. Some parents are also favor of this. They motivate the children to start part time job due to this they build a sense of responsibility. For example I started working when I was in high school to finical support my family and I feel that is good step in my life which make me independent and responsible. When it comes to other reason, doing job with studies also teach time management. The students can learn how they manage their time in study along with work. In high school students have lot of work not only related to their studies but also additional activities. It is so difficult to handle the pressure of two tasks at one time. In additionally, after school education students face lot of competitons for admit in either college or university. On that time the previous achievements, result and working experiences matter while admission because the professors prefer hard working students. In conclusion, teenage is best time to make youngsters self dependent and once they started working in particular field. They know time management and easily secure their future.
Having a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
gives
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
a feeling of happiness
as well
as confidence. Nowadays
After 'most of', you should use 'the' ("most of the youngsters") or simply say "most youngsters".
most of youngsters
in few countries doing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
. According to my opinion, it
A determiner is probably missing here: "is the best".
is best
way to secure the future and I will elaborate my point of view in upcoming paragraphs. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, various grounds can
be considered
behind this approach, the prime reason is assist for better future.
“If” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
If
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
doing work
in particular
Possible spelling mistake found.
feild
. They have an opportunity to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
successful after the graduation
as well
as they
also
earn
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
money and
they know how to spend money in appropriate way.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
parents are
also
favor of this. They motivate the children to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
part
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
due to this they build a sense of responsibility. For
The comma is probably missing here: "example, I".
example I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
when I was in high school to finical support my family and I feel
that is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
step in my life which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
me independent and responsible. When it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to other reason, doing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
with studies
also
teach
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
management. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
can learn how they manage their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
in study along with work. In high school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
have
It seems that an article is missing.
lot of
work not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
related to their studies
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
additional activities. It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
difficult to handle the pressure of two tasks at one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
. In
additionally
, after school education
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
face
It seems that an article is missing.
lot of
Possible spelling mistake found.
competitons
for admit in either college or university. On that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
the previous achievements, result and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
experiences matter while admission
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the professors prefer
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
.
In conclusion
, teenage
A determiner is probably missing here: "is the best".
is best
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
youngsters self dependent and once they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
in particular
field. They know
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
management and
easily
secure their future.
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IELTS essay Teenagers in some nations work at jobs while they are still in school. Do you think it is a good idea for students to have jobs? Use specific examples and reasons to explain your answer.

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
283 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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