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The biodiversity is crucial for people’s life, whereas the number of species under pressure to be extinct is increasing

The biodiversity is crucial for people’s life, whereas the number of species under pressure to be extinct is increasing Vr9PD
The biodiversity is crucial for people’s life, whereas the number of species under pressure to be extinct is increasing. From my view of this point, the Government can and should do a huge number of things to maintain biodiversity. First of all, the Government can broaden people’s perception about the importance of the environment and what to do to preserve it. By investing more in broadcasting propaganda and flyers about this serious problem, it will reinforce people to act to protect ecosystem and themselves. Besides that, the administration should encourage people to visit and volunteer at those organizations that focus on conservation of nature. However, this solution cannot be adequate to change most of people. Another solution the Government should do is to expand reserving natural resources. Building more national parks to provide habitats for animals and plants is an useful way to preserve biodiversity. Meanwhile, it has drawback due to the fact that it is unable to protect nature from natural disasters namely flood, acid rain, … The most effective solution is decreasing the damage to the environment. The Government should force companies to use the way producing that can minimize damage to the environment. In addition, they should tackle crimes against wildlife that are illegal logging, hunting, … by fining people for committing crime. In conclusion, the strategies outlined above: preservation, protection and all above prevention that can do much to reserve the World’s plants and animals. The practical benefits of doing so are well worth the cost.
The biodiversity is crucial for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
life, whereas the number of species under pressure to be extinct is increasing. From my view of this point, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Government
can and should do a huge number of things to maintain biodiversity.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Government
can broaden
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
perception about the importance of the environment and what to do to preserve it. By investing more in broadcasting propaganda and flyers about this serious problem, it will reinforce
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to act to protect ecosystem and themselves.
Besides
that, the administration should encourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to visit and volunteer at those organizations that focus on conservation of nature.
However
, this solution cannot be adequate to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
most of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

Another solution the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Government
should do is to expand reserving natural resources. Building more national parks to provide habitats for animals and plants is
Use "a" instead of 'an' if the following word doesn't start with a vowel sound, e.g. 'a sentence', 'a university'
an
useful way to preserve biodiversity. Meanwhile, it has drawback due to the fact that it is unable to protect nature from natural disasters
namely
flood, acid rain, …

The most effective solution is decreasing the damage to the environment. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Government
should force
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the way producing that can minimize damage to the environment.
In addition
, they should tackle crimes against wildlife that are illegal logging, hunting, … by fining
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
for committing crime.

In conclusion
, the strategies outlined above: preservation, protection and all above prevention that can do much to reserve the World’s plants and animals. The practical benefits of doing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
are well worth the cost.
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IELTS essay The biodiversity is crucial for people’s life, whereas the number of species under pressure to be extinct is increasing

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
250 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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