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The best way to ensure the growth of children is to make parents take parenting courses. Do you agree or disagree?

The best way to ensure the growth of children is to make parents take parenting courses. DlM2p
Most parents have superficial information of learning their child, but courses make them deeply understand them. I am largely agreement with taking courses to help them growing youth perfect codes of conduct and have them as a role model. Firstly, although parents do their best with their children, but they found their kids have difficulties. Now days most parents are busy at their work, they are dual income or the father is the breadwinner. They have not time to seat with them talking about their study. They also have to go to child-minding or after school because parents are busy. Despite their are many diploma and courses help parents with dealing with their children at every stage, but they ignore it. I found it useful for instance to make them friends specially at adults stage which is very difficult one. In addition helping them prevent peers pressure and truancy when they have conversation everyday. In the other hand, nowadays parents listen to bad music and crime movies, which make them violence and delinquency because they pattern behavior of what they listen and watch. Parents also fight together in front of them, and that is make them uncomfortable and do not have confidence. Parents must have work life balance to stay more with their family watching movies and talk with them it is a bonding. To conclude, there are helping key to parents, educate them psychology and how to grow a useful person have perfect future and confidence and take them as a role model.
Most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
have superficial information of learning their child,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
courses
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
them
deeply
understand them. I am
largely
agreement with taking courses to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them
The verb 'taking' is used with an infinitive: "to grow" or "grow".
growing
youth perfect codes of conduct and have them as a role model.

Firstly
, although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
do their best with their children,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they found their kids have difficulties.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Now
days most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are busy at their work, they are dual income or the father is the breadwinner. They have not time to seat with them talking about their study. They
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
go to child-minding or after school
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are busy. Despite
Did you mean "there"?
their
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
diploma and courses
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
with dealing with their children at every stage,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignore
it. I found it useful
for instance
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
them friends
specially
at adults stage which is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
difficult one. In
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
addition
helping them
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
peers pressure and truancy when they have conversation
'Everyday' is an adjective. Did you mean "every day"?
everyday
.

In the other hand, nowadays
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
listen to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
music and crime movies, which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
them violence and delinquency
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they pattern behavior of what they listen and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Parents
also
fight together in front of them, and
that is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
them uncomfortable and do not have confidence.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Parents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
have
It seems that a hyphen is missing.
work life
balance to stay more with their family watching movies and talk with them it is a bonding.

To conclude
, there are helping key to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
, educate them psychology and how to grow a useful person have perfect future and confidence and take them as a role model.
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IELTS essay The best way to ensure the growth of children is to make parents take parenting courses.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
254 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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