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The average weather in three big cities

The average weather in three big cities AJN6M
The data represents the average temperature monthly and the average hours of sunshine in three cities; London, New York, and Sydney. Sydney’s temperature starts at the highest degree among three cities in the beginning of the ye​​ar at over 25 degrees while another two cities start with the cold weather. In addition, the hours of sunshine for Sydney is 2473 hours which is less than New York where as the longest hours under the sun. In conclusion, London has the coldest weather range while, New York is the warmest cities.
The data represents the average temperature monthly and the average
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hours
of sunshine in three
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cities
; London, New York, and Sydney. Sydney’s temperature
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starts
at the highest degree among three
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cities
in the beginning of the
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ye​​ar
at over 25 degrees while another two
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cities
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cold
weather.
In addition
, the
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hours
of sunshine for Sydney is 2473
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hours
which is less than New York
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where as
the longest
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hours
under the sun.
In conclusion
, London has the coldest weather range while, New York is the warmest
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cities
.

IELTS essay The average weather in three big cities

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
90 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
4.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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