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Tell your opinion on doing dangerous sports

Tell your opinion on doing dangerous sports 0w2Y5
It is true that some sports are dangerous so that people do suggest governments should ban these sports. Whereas, there are also people on who promote these sports considering freedom and tradition. In my opinion every sports should by taking safety measures if needed and if it can't be maintaned It should be banned and the ones who are conducting this should be charged penalty. Firstly, the sports that are said dangerous is mostly the sports that are playing as religious tradition. Whereas, all the sports event that are conducted under government and instituitions are played well. As they follow certain rules to ensure safety, we won't get harmed easily. However, there are so many dangerous sports stil played in India by violating the rules. A dangerous sport that is played in India is Jallikattu which is a traditional sport in Southindia especially in Tamilnadu. This sports item is presently banned in tamilnadu recently by government and there were lots of protests demanding to withdraw the rule as it was their tradition. Secondly, many of the sports are too dangerous, but they are playing under certain rules so that it doesn't become harmful to anyone. For example playing with helmet in cricket is a safety measure. On the Contrary, there are people who value their tradition as anything else. So if government can make stringent rules to do these dangerous sports in a better way that is the best thing to do. However, the authorities should also control these Sports before it gets dangerous. By that way, it will be milestone for all the people. In conclusion, I do suggest that every sports have their own risks, so we should better focus on all the safety measures to make it more safe and act according to it. Hence by that way we can maintain a good sportsmanship and also value people opinions as well as maintain their tradition.
It is true that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dangerous
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do suggest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
should ban these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
. Whereas, there are
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
on
Did you mean "whom"?
who
promote these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
considering freedom and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tradition
. In my opinion every
The noun should be probably in the singular form: "sport"?
sports
should by taking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
safety
measures if needed and if it can't be
Possible spelling mistake found.
maintaned
It should
be banned
and the ones who are conducting this should
be charged
penalty.

Firstly
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
that
are said
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dangerous
is
mostly
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
that are playing as religious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tradition
. Whereas, all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
event
that
are conducted
under
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
and
Possible spelling mistake found.
instituitions
are played
well. As they follow certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rules
to ensure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
safety
, we won't
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
harmed
easily
.

However
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dangerous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
Possible spelling mistake found.
stil
played in India by violating the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rules
. A
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dangerous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
that
is played
in India is
Possible spelling mistake found.
Jallikattu
which is a traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
in
Possible spelling mistake found.
Southindia
especially
in
Possible spelling mistake found.
Tamilnadu
. This
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
item is
presently
banned in
Possible spelling mistake found.
tamilnadu
recently by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
and there were lots of protests demanding to withdraw the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rule
as it was their tradition.

Secondly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
are too
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dangerous
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they are playing under certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rules
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that it doesn't become harmful to anyone.
For example
playing with helmet in cricket is a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
safety
measure.
On the Contrary
, there are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who value their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tradition
as anything else.
“So if” at the beginning of a sentence requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
So if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
stringent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rules
to do these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dangerous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
in a better way
that is
the best thing to do.
However
, the authorities should
also
control these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Sports
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dangerous
. By that way, it will be milestone for all the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

In conclusion
, I do suggest that every
The noun should be probably in the singular form: "sport"?
sports
have their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risks
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
we should better focus on all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
safety
measures to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
it more safe and act according to it.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Hence
by that way we can maintain a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
sportsmanship and
also
value
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
opinions
as well
as maintain their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tradition
.
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IELTS essay Tell your opinion on doing dangerous sports

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
318 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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