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It is expected that the population of some countries will be a relatively large of young adults compared with the number of older people do you feel it will have more advantages

It is expected that the population of some countries will be a relatively large of young adults compared with the number of older people do you feel it will have more advantages b2yeg
Since the 21st century is commenced, overpopulation has become one of the gravest menaces for mankind. It is generally forecasted that the young population might be higher in a few nations in comparison with elder individual. I claim that this trend will have more favourable merits then its unfavourable demerit which will be discussed in the upcoming paragraphs. There are some significant reasons why this statement will have heavier advantages. One of the predominant point is that youngsters will be more productive compared to older masses. To elaborate it, young ones are not only energetic but also healthier. They may not feel tired easily. If the young blood will do more work, the growth of the economy will increase. Moreover adults will be more qualified and technology familiar. As, these days technology is flourishing leaps and bounds. Young ones will have more knowledge about technical gadgets and they will not face any problem regarding advance technology. To exemplify, it has been found in surveys that in the upcoming years, individuals will be more dependent on technology. Thus, there is no denying the fact that having young adults in the future will be more benefited for the Welfare of the society. On the other hand, this notion might also have disadvantage. Employment rate will be low in the future. If the number of the elderly people will be greater, employers will give preference to the older individual because they may have more experience as compared to youngster. With the help of this, the burden of the higher authorities will also surge, as it is the duty of the government to provide job opportunities to the young blood. For instance, older masses are more sophisticated as well as solution oriented. So, this will be the major reason to priortize the older people in the future as opposed to younger individuals. Therefore, it is irrefutable that older generation also play part and parcel role in our life. To conclude, although old masses may face difficulties in the future, I firmly assert that younger generation will have fruitful benefits compared with older generation.
Since the 21st century
is commenced
, overpopulation has become one of the gravest menaces for mankind. It is
generally
forecasted that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
population might be higher in a few nations
in comparison
with elder
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
. I claim that this trend will have more
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourable' is British English.
favourable
merits
Did you mean "than"?
then
its
Possible spelling mistake. 'unfavourable' is British English.
unfavourable
demerit which will
be discussed
in the upcoming paragraphs.

There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
significant reasons why this statement will have heavier advantages. One of the predominant point is that youngsters will be more productive compared to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
masses. To elaborate it,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
are not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
energetic
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
healthier. They may not feel tired
easily
. If the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
blood will do more work, the growth of the economy will increase.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Moreover
adults will be more qualified and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
familiar. As, these
Apostrophe might be missing. Did you mean "days'" or "day's"?
days
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
is flourishing leaps and bounds.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
will have more knowledge about technical
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
gadgets and
they will not face any problem regarding advance
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
. To exemplify, it has
been found
in surveys that in the upcoming years,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
will be more dependent on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
.
Thus
, there is no denying the fact that having
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
adults in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
will be more benefited for the Welfare of the society.

On the other hand
, this notion might
also
have disadvantage. Employment rate will be low in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
. If the number of the elderly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
will be greater, employers will give preference to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they may have more experience as compared to youngster. With the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of this, the burden of the higher authorities will
also
surge, as it is the duty of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
to provide job opportunities to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
blood.
For instance
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
masses are more sophisticated
as well
as solution oriented.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, this will be the major reason to
Possible spelling mistake found.
priortize
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
as opposed to younger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
.
Therefore
, it is irrefutable that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
generation
also
play part and parcel role in our life.

To conclude
, although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
masses may face difficulties in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
, I
firmly
assert that younger generation will have fruitful benefits compared with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
generation.
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IELTS essay It is expected that the population of some countries will be a relatively large of young adults compared with the number of older people do you feel it will have more advantages

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
349 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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