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The average standard of people's health is likely to be lower in the future than it is now. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

The average standard of people's health is likely to be lower in the future than it is now. with this statement? oQ9D
Some people are of the thought that moderate standard of people's health will certainly be lower in the future than it is now. And, I agree with the former statement that in coming years people's careless attitude towards their health will result in degradation of their healthy life. To support the discussion following are my arguments. Firstly, nowadays people are least bothered about their health and fitness; they are too busy to devote some of their time to themselves, which is certainly a cause of their health standard degradation. People must give some time to their fitness and at least do some physical exercise and yoga or meditation to ensure good health and good physical fitness. But they are preoccupied in their own life, engaged in the society, spending time and giving harm to their mental health just to earn money. For instance, even a well settled person spend most of his time on earning forgetting about his health, as they value money over life. Secondly, hygiene standards are also deteriorating nowadays, and people have started preferring outside food over home cooked food. It is also a major cause in degradation in people's health standards. Almost all of the youth and the people of working ages are dependent on fast foods and snacks, which is very unhygienic and unhealthy. This all also contributes to life expectancy rates, which is also gradually decreasing day by day worldwide. Lastly, poverty also plays a major role, since unemployed and unprivileged people health status are low, and their health is thriving. To sum up, moderate health standards are decreasing day by day, along with health risk. People individually should give time to their health and fitness to maintain and enhance it.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
that moderate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
standard
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
will
certainly
be lower in the future than it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
. And, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the former statement that in coming years
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's careless attitude towards their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
will result in degradation of their healthy life. To support the discussion following are my arguments.

Firstly
, nowadays
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are least bothered about their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fitness
; they are too busy to devote
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to themselves, which is
certainly
a cause of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
standard
degradation.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
give
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fitness
and at least do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
physical exercise and yoga or meditation to ensure
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fitness
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
they
are preoccupied
in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
life, engaged in the society, spending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
and giving harm to their mental
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
to earn money.
For instance
, even a well settled person spend most of his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on earning forgetting about his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
, as they value money over life.

Secondly
, hygiene
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
standards
are
also
deteriorating nowadays, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
preferring outside food over home cooked food. It is
also
a major cause in degradation in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
standards
. Almost
Consider using "all the".
all of the
youth and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of working ages are dependent on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
foods and snacks, which is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
unhygienic and unhealthy. This all
also
contributes to life expectancy rates, which is
also
gradually
decreasing day by day worldwide.
Lastly
, poverty
also
plays a major role, since unemployed and unprivileged
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
status are low, and their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
is thriving.

To sum up, moderate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
standards
are decreasing day by day, along with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
individually
should give
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fitness
to maintain and enhance it.
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IELTS essay The average standard of people's health is likely to be lower in the future than it is now. with this statement?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
287 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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