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The average standard of people's health is likely to be lower in the future than it is now. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Nowadays, medical facilities has grown so much that today the doctors and the medical advanced world is able to cure such bug diseases like cancer, heart replacement, and many more. In my mind, if the world is growing so much and also the growing disorders, then with this emerging factors the medical science is also growing. I partially disagree with the statement, and will discuss some reasons and will put some relevant examples to make my words worth. First and foremost, a school of thought believe that in the upcoming time the health of the middle level people will face hazardous changes. I think so because, today we can see people with so many and different types of illness which they all are going through, and this is the main reason of the thinking that in future they and their upcoming generation have to bear some medical issues which in future will not be curable. On the contrary, this is not the problem of the common people, but because they are not able to get fit and fine after getting sick. But today medical technology has driven our world to that point that for many severe problems doctors are able to give treatment to their patients and this is the main advantage of the technology and also the time we all crossing. Secondly, if we compare todays technology with the past time we can see that, in the ancient times problems like heart attack, cancer, or brain problems were not curable, but in my point of view today its all possible. I can better explain this by giving an epitome from personal experience. My grandfather had gone through 3 or 4 surgeries of brain at a time in some recent years. Also, they had not just gone through numerous surgeries but also before that surgeries he got paralyzed and we all had just lost the hope that we can see him further in the coming years. But today, thankfully, he is alive and fit and fine and its all because of the doctors their knowledge and the technology. In the crux of the matter, I would say that people who think that future is all about bad health with not curable treatment is all a myth and their fear, but the truth is that, future is bright and is safe with the growing technology and growing standard.
Nowadays,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medical
facilities
It seems that the correct verb form here is “have”.
has
grown
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
much that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
today
the doctors and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medical
advanced world is able to cure such bug diseases like cancer, heart replacement, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
more. In my mind, if the world is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
growing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
much and
also
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
growing
disorders, then with this emerging factors the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medical
science is
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
growing
. I
partially
disagree with the statement, and will discuss
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
reasons and will put
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
relevant examples to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
my words worth.

First
and foremost, a school of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
believe that in the upcoming
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
the health of the middle level
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will face hazardous
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
today
we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
types of illness which they all are going through, and this is the main reason of the thinking that in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
they and their upcoming generation
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
bear
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medical
issues which in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
will not be curable.
On the contrary
, this is not the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
of the common
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are not able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
fit and fine after getting sick.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
today
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
has driven our world to that point that for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
severe
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
doctors are able to give treatment to their patients and this is the main advantage of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
and
also
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
we all crossing.

Secondly
, if we compare
It seems that a possessive apostrophe is missing.
todays
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
with the past
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
that, in the ancient
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
times
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
like heart attack, cancer, or brain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
were not curable,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
in my point of view
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
today
Did you mean “it’s” (short for ‘it is’) instead of ‘its’ (possessive pronoun)?
its
all possible. I can better
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
this by giving an epitome from personal experience. My grandfather had gone through 3 or 4 surgeries of brain at a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
recent years.
Also
, they had not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
gone through numerous surgeries
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
that surgeries he
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
Use a comma before ‘and’ if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
paralyzed and
we all had
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
lost the hope that we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
him
further
in the coming years.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
today
,
thankfully
, he is alive and fit and fine and
Did you mean “it’s” (short for ‘it is’) instead of ‘its’ (possessive pronoun)?
its
all
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the doctors their knowledge and the technology.

In the crux of the matter, I would say that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
is all about
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
health with not curable treatment is all a myth and their fear,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the truth is that,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
is bright and is safe with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
growing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
growing
standard.
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IELTS essay The average standard of people's health is likely to be lower in the future than it is now. with this statement?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
397 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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