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The availability of modern technology like movie platforms and home theatre would reduce the tendency of people to go to the cinema.

The availability of modern technology like movie platforms and home theatre would reduce the tendency of people to go to the cinema. kg9WR
In my opinion, the development of many movie platforms will reduce the number of people who go to the cinema for three reasons. Firstly, you can easily choose movies from home through several platforms without paying for a ticket. When you watch a film from home, you can choose a film from both your computer or your television. Moreover, you don’t need to wait in a queue, which saves a lot of time. For example, if you choose to go to a cinema, it will cost you time to travel, it will cost you time to wait in a queue and your money to buy a ticket. But it will save both your money and time if you watch movies from home. Secondly, going to the cinema is not the only way to feel the atmosphere. By setting up a small corner, turn down the light, get some popcorn and turn on your computer. Also remember to turn down the blue light in the setting so it won’t hurt your eyes if you plan to watch for a long time. For high income people who have a love for movies can build an underground film theatre. They can equip the facility like at the cinema but with smaller size. Loudspeakers or screens with high resolution can be bought. Thirdly, although you can’t watch the latest film at this time as the COVID-19 pandemic is still very hard to control. You can still watch the film but copyright. But for people who like old masterpieces or classic films, then watching movies from home is the best choice. For example, classic movies can be found on most of the platforms on the internet whereas cinemas only display the latest film. So in conclusion, watching from home might not really bring the atmosphere but it must be cheaper and less time-consuming.
In my opinion, the development of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movie
platforms will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the number of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who go to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cinema
for three reasons.
Firstly
, you can
easily
choose
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
from home through several platforms without paying for a ticket. When you
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
watch
a film from home, you can choose a film from both your computer or your television.
Moreover
, you don’t need to wait in a queue, which saves
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
.
For example
, if you choose to go to a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cinema
, it will cost you
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to travel, it will cost you
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to wait in a queue and your money to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
a ticket.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
it will save both your money and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
if you
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
watch
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
from home.
Secondly
, going to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cinema
is not the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
way to feel the atmosphere. By setting up a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
corner, turn down the light,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
popcorn and turn on your computer.
Also
remember to turn down the blue light in the setting
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
it won’t hurt your eyes if you plan to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
watch
for a long
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
. For high income
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who have a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
can build an underground film
Possible spelling mistake. 'theatre' is British English.
theatre
. They can equip the facility like at the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cinema
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
with smaller size. Loudspeakers or screens with high resolution can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bought
.
Thirdly
, although you can’t
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
watch
the latest film at this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
as the COVID-19 pandemic is
still
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to control. You can
still
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
watch
the film
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
copyright.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who like
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
masterpieces or classic films, then watching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
from home is the best choice.
For example
, classic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
can
be found
on most of the platforms on the internet whereas
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cinemas
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
display the latest film.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
in conclusion
, watching from home might not
really
bring the atmosphere
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be cheaper and less time-consuming.
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IELTS essay The availability of modern technology like movie platforms and home theatre would reduce the tendency of people to go to the cinema.

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
308 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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