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The affection of advertising to buy something

The affection of advertising to buy something Jloe6
I think that advertising is extremely successful at persuading us to buy things. The reason is in my experience. We always see advertising somewhere in our lives such us newspaper, TV, SNS and so on. Sometimes we see the signboard where it’s easy to see. Our lives are full of advertising. So we will at least be affected by advertising. Actually, I often go shopping after see advertising. I want to decide what I want in advance to finish my shopping quickly. Advertising is very useful for me. Surely, I sometimes don’t pay attention to it. On the contrast, we can’t say it’s common. Advertising has power of attracting customers. For example, a few years ago, I researched “The impact of advertising on the consumer”. Then, most of the students in the class of my high school were promoting the desire to buy by advertising. Especially, they were affected by Internet and SNS. The probability was 61. 3%! There were 40 students in my class, so approximately 24 or 25 students were affected by Internet. In addition, approximately 10 students were affected by TV. When I knew this result, I was very surprised. It was the moment I felt the power of advertising. In conclusion, I think advertising is extremely successful at persuading us to buy things. These years, computers are developing and many companies are advertising in the Internet. We will get to see more advertising on social networks. In the near future, there may be times when advertising is necessary to shop.
I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that advertising is
extremely
successful at persuading us to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
things. The reason is in my experience.

We always
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
advertising somewhere in our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
such us newspaper, TV, SNS and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Sometimes
we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
the signboard where it’s easy to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
. Our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
are full of advertising.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
we will at least be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
affected
by advertising.

Actually, I
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
go shopping after
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
advertising. I want to decide what I want in advance to finish my shopping
quickly
. Advertising is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
useful for me.

Surely
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
don’t pay attention to it. On the contrast, we can’t say it’s common.

Advertising has power of attracting customers.
For example
, a few years ago, I researched “The impact of advertising on the consumer”. Then, most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
of my high school were promoting the desire to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
by advertising.
Especially
, they were
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
affected
by Internet and SNS. The probability was 61. 3%! There were 40
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
in my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
approximately 24 or 25
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
were
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
affected
by Internet.
In addition
, approximately 10
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
were
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
affected
by TV. When I knew this result, I was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
surprised. It was the moment I felt the power of advertising.

In conclusion
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
advertising is
extremely
successful at persuading us to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
things.

These years, computers are developing and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
are advertising
The usual collocation for technology is "on," not "in." It is better to say this: "on the Internet".
in the Internet
. We will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
more advertising on social networks. In the near future, there may be times when advertising is necessary to shop.
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IELTS essay The affection of advertising to buy something

Essay
  American English
7 paragraphs
254 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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